Entertainment
The Netflix Film That Proves What’s Wrong With Modern Children’s Movies
By Chris Snellgrove
| Published
Growing up as an ‘80s kid, I had a fairly awesome childhood (thanks, mom and dad!). My nostalgia for that era is quite strong, which is why I’m typing this while surrounded by a small army of GI Joes, Transformers, and Ninja Turtles. It’s no surprise, then, that when friends ask me what movies they should show their children, I typically recommend films from the decade that brought us everything from the Ghostbusters to Big Trouble in Little China.
When a friend recently asked what she should show her two kids, I didn’t hesitate to recommend Labyrinth. Cute songs, wacky muppets, wacky David Bowie, and Jennifer Connelly in a breakout role; what’s not to love? Soon, she reported that her kids were having nightmares about the Goblin King and his monstrous minions. I felt bad for about two seconds before realizing the problem: Jim Henson’s Labyrinth is still a perfect children’s movie. Unfortunately, Hollywood has transformed modern kids’ movies into vibes-based screensavers that no longer allow children to safely explore crunchy concepts like love, death, and even human mortality.
Ziggy Stardust And The Goblins From Mars
After my friend chided me about my recommendation, I had to be honest with myself: Labyrinth is a pretty scary movie. The central plot involves a mysterious man kidnapping a small child, and poor Jennifer Connelly must navigate a world of increasingly nightmarish Muppets in order to rescue him. The titular labyrinth often feels like a prison with no way out, and things like the “Helping Hands” scene and the masked ball are the stuff of fever-dream nightmares. Hovering over all of this is the fact that the Goblin King is a middle-aged menace trying to secure a child bride, one played by a girl who wasn’t even old enough to get her learner’s permit.
Despite all of that, though, I still think Labyrinth is a great film to share with children. To me, the scary aspects mentioned above are a feature, not a bug. It may be “only” a kids’ movie, but these frightening features infuse Labyrinth with a sense of genuine tension from beginning to end. Tension is, of course, the secret ingredient of any good story because it provides the narrative with real stakes for the characters that we care about. Those characters grow through tension and conflict, but most modern children’s movies have surgically removed everything scary and tense in an effort to make their films less offensive and more palatable.
A Star Is Born
In A Minecraft Movie, for example, no kid thinks the malevolent Malgosha is going to take over the world; they understand the plot is just window dressing for a film trying to squeeze in as many game references as possible into the runtime. Similarly, no youngsters watching Sonic the Hedgehog think Dr. Robotnik will win the day. They’re just here for the in-jokes and slick special effects that precede the inevitable happy ending. Furthermore, no children think Bowser, Jr. is going to conquer the universe in Super Mario Galaxy; they’re just here to appreciate the parade of Nintendo memes onscreen and hope their favorite Smash Bros. characters pop up.
These movies are not designed to challenge children; instead, they serve as two-hour distractions for parents who need some peace and quiet. Unfortunately, the concerted Hollywood effort to make these films inoffensive has also made them bland and creatively bankrupt. It’s functionally impossible for children to enjoy these works as films: instead, they are designed as just another bit of colorful stimuli for an ADHD generation raised more by their iPads than their parents. But Labyrinth is proof that it doesn’t have to be this way and that we can (and should) be giving our children plenty of substance to go with their spectacle.
The World’s Creepiest Muppets
Why, specifically, do I think children should watch Labyrinth? The first reason is that, at the risk of sounding overly blunt, fear is something that everyone must deal with every single day. Watching a spookier children’s movie allows kids to microdose fear and learn to process it within the context of a story that ultimately offers an inevitably happy ending. You know how some people are so nervous that a loud noise can ruin their entire day? That’s what happens when you lead a sheltered childhood protected from all things scary. Conversely, a regular diet of mildly frightening kids’ movies can help the audience grow into well-adjusted adults.
On a related note, movies like Labyrinth are a safe, controlled way to introduce kids to important real-world topics that might just save their lives. This is a film about child abduction, extortion, power imbalances, and so many other ‘dark’ topics, but it’s all wrapped in a shiny wrapper that includes cute songs and cuter creatures. Take it from a parent: you’ll eventually have to talk with your children about how all of this works in the real world to keep them safe. That conversation will be a lot easier for you (and more believable for them) if they have had time to process these scary ideas within a fictional context.
Teaching Kids Lessons (One Scream At A Time)
Finally, if you actually watch the movie with your kiddo instead of just using the TV as a babysitter, you can help teach them the most elusive skill of all: critical thinking. Every moment that makes them cover their eyes in fright is an opportunity for an open and honest conversation, with leading questions like “why did that scare you?” and “what do you think that character should have done instead?” This teaches children to actually engage with and learn from media, all while improving their self-confidence by helping them get over their fears. Not for nothing, they’ll also feel a sense of pride for emerging from a scary movie, stronger than ever.
Want to teach your own child a few important lessons? Or want to relive the glory days of weird ‘80s cinema? Heck, do you just want to jam out to the Goblin King’s impossibly catchy tunes? No matter your motivation, you’re in luck: Labyrinth is streaming on Netflix today. It’s a scary good time that, regardless of what my friend might tell you, is fun for the whole family. Fair warning, though: you might want to make sure nobody’s around before you start dancing your own magic dance in the living room!
Entertainment
This $43 bundle quietly upgrades your entire PC experience
TL;DR: This rare Microsoft bundle deal gives you a lifetime license to Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows and Windows 11 Pro for only $42.97 (reg. $418.99) through May 17.
$42.97
$418.99
Save $376.02
Looking for an affordable way to make your old PC feel new again? If you don’t have the funds to buy a brand new computer, don’t worry. The Ultimate Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows lifetime license and Windows 11 Pro Bundle is the next best thing, offering your computer a total upgrade for only $42.97 through May 17.
Don’t count out your dusty old PC. This Microsoft bundle is here to give it a total facelift for less than $50. It kicks off with a lifetime license to some of the brand’s most popular tools — Microsoft Office, which you’ll pay for once and enjoy without any subscription fees.
Mashable Deals
You’ll get permanent access to a suite of eight helpful apps with Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows. It includes staples that have been around for decades, like Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook. You’ll also get newer favorites like Teams, OneNote, Access, and Publisher.
Once you’ve loaded the apps onto your device, you can upgrade your OS to Windows 11 Pro. It’s an operating system made for modern professionals, with tools that support your workflow. Enjoy a more powerful search experience, improved voice typing, a seamless interface, snap layouts, and much more.
You can rest easy knowing Windows 11 Pro takes your cybersecurity seriously. You’ll have biometric logins, encrypted authentication, and advanced antivirus defenses to keep your data secure.
Mashable Deals
Show your PC some love with the Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows and Windows 11 Pro bundle for only $42.97 (reg. $418.99) now until May 17.
StackSocial prices subject to change.
Entertainment
Star Trek’s First Broadcast Episode Was Very Carefully Chosen, Because It Was Boring
By Chris Snellgrove
| Published
These days, Star Trek is a bona fide pop culture phenomenon. But during the development of The Original Series, there was anxiety that the general public wouldn’t really understand Gene Roddenberry’s mashing up Western tropes with a sci-fi setting. Making matters worse was that the original pilot, “The Cage,” had been rejected by NBC for being too brainy. Fortunately, Roddenberry got a chance to shoot another pilot, one which impressed the network enough to order an entire season worth of episodes.
Several episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series had already been shot when the time came for this new show to make its broadcast premiere. The first episode that the general public saw was “The Man Trap,” which featured a shapeshifting monster that was revealed to be an alien salt vampire. This good-but-not-great episode was an odd choice, and it was one that the cast and crew hated. As it turns out, though, this episode was very carefully selected by executives because it served as an inoffensive, relatively straightforward encapsulation of everything Star Trek had to offer.
It’s A Trap!
Most of the information we have about why “The Man Trap” was selected as Star Trek’s first episode comes from the book Inside Star Trek: The Real Story. Within this impressive reference tome, Robert H. Justman and Herbert F. Solow revealed something surprising: NBC had several other episodes to choose from for the premiere, including “The Corbomite Maneuver,” “Charlie X,” “Mudd’s Women,” “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” and “The Naked Time.” All of them had already been shot and were mostly finished, so it was just a matter of figuring out which episode would serve as the best introduction to Star Trek, a heretofore unknown sci-fi series.
“The Man Trap” won out, mostly because the powers that be worried that other episodes would be off-putting to general audiences in some very specific ways. For example, they worried that audiences would find “Charlie X” a story that was “too gentle” because it focused on an adolescent with special powers. This was probably the right call, in retrospect: when Variety gave a negative review of “The Man Trap” (an episode chosen, in part, because of its relative maturity), they declared that Star Trek: The Original Series was “better suited to the Saturday morning kidvid bloc” (ouch!).
A Monster Hit Of An Episode
“The Corbomite Maneuver” was a great potential choice, but this episode’s impressive special effects were still in post-production, and almost all of its action took place on the ship. “Where No Man Has Gone Before” really outlined the premise of the new show, but it was deemed “expository” for general audiences expecting more action and danger. Justman thought “The Naked Time” was a killer introduction to the crew’s personalities, but the network passed, presumably because of how over-the-top (half-naked, swashbuckling Sulu? Oh, my!) that episode gets. “Mudd’s Women,” meanwhile, was deemed too offensive because the plot involved literally selling women to miners.
Through this process of elimination, executives decided that “The Man Trap” was the best intro to Star Trek. It had cool scenes on both the Enterprise and a distant outpost (a strange new world) and featured a straightforward action plot you didn’t have to be a sci-fi aficionado to understand. Finally, it was all about finding and defeating a creepy monster, which offered thrills to audiences of all ages. The network’s choice paid off, and Star Trek: The Original Series became the most popular sci-fi show in television history, even though the cast (including William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy) thought “The Man Trap” was the worst possible episode they could have chosen.
All of this is a keen reminder of how much thought and work went into putting Star Trek’s best foot forward. It might be a reminder that Paramount’s current upper leadership needs, as Starfleet Academy hit the ground running with the worst episodes of Season 1. The show got better after that, but it didn’t matter because the prospective audience had already been driven away. As it turns out, today’s execs need to learn something that the network execs of the ‘60s had learned very well: series succeed when you give the audience what they want to see and not what you want to show!
Entertainment
How A Fantasy Box Office Bomb Lost $200 Million In Theaters, And Suddenly Became A Streaming Hit
By Jonathan Klotz
| Published
For the last decade as streaming has taken off in homes around the world, it’s become possible for films that lost historical amounts of money in theaters to find success, even if it might be the post-Mystery Science Theater 3000 trend of “so bad it’s good.” That’s why a massive flop, for example say, Morbius, and films that slightly missed the mark like The Fall Guy can turn it around and become a streaming success.
What’s even more impressive is the amazing turnaround of 2013’s Jack the Giant Slayer, which lost Legendary Pictures an alleged $200 million, only to end up topping streaming charts in 2025.
The Classic Fairy Tale With A Twist
Everyone knows the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, the classic fairy tale about selling a horse for magic beans and climbing a beanstalk to find a giant living in the clouds. It’s simple, contains multiple morals, and can be easily adjusted to turn Jack into the villain, but Jack the Giant Slayer instead asks, “What if there was no moral, and instead of one giant, there was an entire army of evil giants?” The movie is the classic story, as you’ve never seen it before, and it almost works.
Nicholas Hoult plays Jack, the young man who finds himself trading his horse to a monk in exchange for beans that he can’t allow to get wet, ever. Like the rules in Gremlins, it’s not long before Jack accidentally gets the beans wet and a beanstalk grows under his house with the princess, Isabell (Eleanor Tomlinson), trapped inside as it grows into the sky. All the king’s men gather to rescue the princess, including Lord Roderick (Stanley Tucci), who, thankfully, Jack the Giant Slayer makes obvious is very evil, very quickly.
It’s up to Jack, Isabell, and the loyal Knight, Elmont (Ewan McGregor) to save the kingdom and stop the invasion of giants led by Roderick and the giant two-headed General Fallon (Bill Nighy). If there’s one thing Jack the Giant Slayer does better than every other adaptation, it’s the third act featuring a full-blown war between humans and giants, with a touch of humor and absurdity. Watching a giant toss a windmill like the glaive from Krull is the perfect amount of off-beat to distract from a surprising amount of body horror in both the giant’s designs and Fallon’s ultimate fate.
A Movie For No One
Jack the Giant Slayer looks too good, and the star-studded cast is having way too much fun for it to be a truly bad movie. The problem is that the pacing is off: it takes a little too long to get to the good stuff, then it feels a little too rushed, and though it is a fun adventure, it’s also, like the source material, simplistic. It’s not like the movie wasn’t watched in theaters; it made $197 million worldwide, which would be a great haul except it cost $185 million to make, and that’s not including the extensive marketing campaign.
The push and pull of director Bryan Singer’s vision of a dark take on the fable, complete with actual people-eating on screen, and the sanitized version that hit theaters, which was still too dark for children, since the film is surprisingly rated PG-13, meant it ended up being a film for no one. The Rotten Tomatoes ratings, of 52 percent from critics and 55 percent from the audience, are proof that the final product is not great, but not bad; it’s a movie that will keep you watching for a few hours and then leave no lasting impression. These days, Lionsgate and Sony wish they’d release a movie that is that well-received, as even Jack the Giant Slayer looks like a masterpiece compared to Borderlands or Kraven the Hunter.
Streaming is the perfect home for Jack the Giant Slayer, and 10 years later, it no longer matters that the movie lost hundreds of millions in theaters. It finally gets to stand on its own as a fun, if unremarkable, fantasy adventure.
Which NBA Playoffs Game 1 Loser Is Most Likely To Win Their Series?
Angels activate OF/DH Jorge Soler from four-game suspension
