Entertainment
On Being an Only Child
A while back, we shared stories from parents of only children — the pros, cons, and anecdotes of raising a solo child. Today we’re hearing from only children themselves. Here, seven (grown-up) only children tell us about their experiences…
Halli, 41
“I grew up on a farm, and my grandparents lived right across the field, so although there weren’t many kids around, I never felt lonely. I learned how to make conversation with grown-ups, and now that I am one, I find it very easy to talk to people. Another big upside was getting to travel. When I was 11, we learned about Great Britain in school, and my parents took me to England that summer so we could visit the places I’d learned about. That wouldn’t have been possible, financially, with more than one child. I made the very intentional choice to only have one child myself. I’ve had fantastic experiences, both being an only child and having one. Five stars.”
Gayatri, 33
“My family moved from India to the U.S. when I was five. From an immigrant perspective, there’s a slightly different parent-child dynamic. They can’t really ‘guide’ you through the American rites of passage and systems; you’re all sort of figuring it out together. They didn’t know what ‘prom’ was, you know? I think it could have been helpful to have a sibling as an ally. It might’ve helped my family feel more oriented in America.
“At the same time, I think my childhood gave me social strengths. I didn’t have built-in peers within my family, so I got good at adapting to new situations and finding my people. There are all these negative stereotypes about only children, like that we’re socially weird. Maybe that’s true for some, but I’m good.”
Gitanjali, 32
“I felt very included in my parents’ lives. They’d have friends over for dinner, and I’d be the one kid at the table. I thought it was so fun and interesting, getting to listen in on their conversations. I’d also chime in with my opinions; I remember talking about the Iraq War with adults. But now that I’m older, and my parents are aging, I sometimes wish I had someone around who knows them like I do, someone who can also keep them company. I’m starting to feel anticipatory grief: Who am I going to remember them with? At the same time, I know that whenever I imagine a sibling, it’s always with the rosiest view. There’s no guarantee that siblings will have a good relationship.”
Mallory, 38
“My parents divorced when I was three, and from then on, it was just my mom and me. A handful of friends’ families really stepped up. My mom always had two or three jobs and often worked evenings, so when I was in preschool, I’d often spend the night at my friend Natalie’s house. Her parents, the Allmans, were always happy to help. In elementary school, it was the Butlers — my friend Katie’s parents — who’d pick me up after school and take me to gymnastics. My high-school best friend was Molly Kopp. Molly’s mom took me to swim practice and often invited me over for the whole weekend if my mom was working. Molly’s dad was a lawyer, and when my bio dad suddenly reappeared making legal threats, he immediately stepped in to handle things.
“I always wanted a sister, but I felt like I found my ‘sisters’ among my friends. I also now have four sisters-in-law. When I first got married, I thought it was strange that none of them had super-close girlfriends, whereas I had a tight group of friends I’d known since childhood. It took a few years before I realized my sisters-in-law didn’t need that, because they had each other.”
Kristy, 38
“My parents both had challenging upbringings, so they decided early on that they would have only one child and really devote themselves. My mom was the one who went to the office every day, while my dad stayed home with me. He was a doting father. He coached all my teams; he walked me to school and picked me up each day. My parents also made sure I spent time with other kids. I went to summer camp and after-school activities, and I played every sport under the sun.
“Honestly, I was a little bratty as a kid. My dad really harped on self-esteem and confidence, and I was maybe too confident! But as an adult, I’ve fared pretty well. I work in the corporate world and manage a large team. I don’t think I’d have this career and these leadership skills without my childhood. When people ask me about having an only child, I recommend it — with nuance. I think it does take more effort to ensure your child gets socialized with their peers. And yes, there is more pressure on an only child, especially as your parents start to age. But for me, the pros outweigh the cons.”
Sean, 38
“I’ve always romanticized sibling relationships. My best friend has a sister, and I still hound her for details: What’s it like?! A big house seems really exciting to me, and I always assumed that’s what I would have when I made my own family. I had a great childhood with a rich inner life, but I craved a bustling household. Then I had my first child, and the postpartum period was very difficult, and I wondered if I could do it again. We also live in Los Angeles, so the finances are weighing on us — could we even afford another kid? Our son is two-and-a-half, and we’ve only just gotten back on our feet. If we have another, will we ever see each other again? Or will it just be going from school to work to school and back? So far, having one child is amazing — we still have so much flexibility and freedom. At the same time, my husband has a brother and can’t imagine his life without him. We’re stuck!”
Marissa, 40
“As a kid, I never gave a second thought to being an only child; our family unit just fit. Whenever we went somewhere, it was us three, and when it was time to go home, it was us three — everyone present and accounted for. When I went to college and started making new friends, people were often surprised that I was an only child: ‘Really? I thought you were an older sister or something.’ That was the first time I noticed the negative perceptions around only children.
“I don’t know where we all got the idea that bigger is always better. When my husband and I had our son, we felt so lucky to have this lovely child! Right from the start, however, we got questions: ‘Wait, you’re just having one?’ Now friends will sometimes add, ‘Just one is okay, right? You turned out pretty normal.’ My take: If your family feels like a unit of three, great. As long as everyone’s happy, keep your eyes on your own paper.”
If you’re an only child — or have an only child — would you add? Thank you so much to the wonderful folks who shared their stories. We’re so glad and grateful to hear from you.
P.S. Advice on going from one child to two, and eight women on choosing not to have children.
(Photo by Irina Ozhigova/Stocksy.)
Entertainment
The Bear still doesnt know how to write romance
Whenever The Bear introduces a new female character, I pray she doesn’t become a love interest for one of the male leads. Not because I hate romance, but because I specifically hate the way The Bear does romance.
The clearest offender is Carmy’s (Jeremy Allen White) relationship with Claire (Molly Gordon). A childhood friend who re-enters Carmy’s life, Claire is less a real human character than she is a walking self-help book for Carmy. She spends almost every moment she’s on screen talking about him: her memories of him, his mental health struggles, his relationship with his family. In theory, she has a life apart from Carmy — her defining character trait outside of being his girlfriend is vaguely “nurse” — but in watching The Bear, you wouldn’t know it.
Usually a great performer (see: Shiva Baby, Oh, Hi!, and more), Gordon is reduced to two modes here: luminous love interest hanging onto Carmy’s every word, or calming therapist. She’s not the only Bear character to meet this fate. As The Bear builds Ever staffer Jessica (Sarah Ramos) into a possible match for Richie (Ebon Moss-Bachrach), it replaces her level-headed expertise with empty platitudes designed to ground him. (Season 4 line “honesty is sanity” made me want to drive my head through a wall.) Elsewhere, Richie’s ex-wife, Tiffany (Gillian Jacobs), acts as a similar pillar of support.
Their heads constantly askew, their eyes lit up in adoration, their mouths always ready to offer up an eager laugh or some cornball advice, these characters morph into The Bear‘s single idea of a Woman In Love. Now, The Bear‘s standalone episode “Gary” offers a new addition to this pantheon: Sherri (Marin Ireland) from Gary, Indiana.
Mashable Top Stories
Sherri is a woman whom Richie and Mikey (Jon Bernthal) meet at a bar while on a work trip to Gary. She immediately strikes up a rapport with Mikey, playing a private game of “Fact or Fiction” with him, listening to his complicated woes while nestled together in a bathroom stall, and stealing his beanie and wearing it like a middle schooler trying to get a rise out of a crush. It’s a level of blindly supportive compassion we haven’t seen since Claire Bear, and Ireland, typically a huge asset to any project, soon becomes trapped in The Bear‘s love interest archetype. (Someone please ban affectionate head tilts from the set of The Bear, effective immediately.)
While Sherri feels like she was meant to be a moment of bright connection in Mikey’s life, maybe even “the one that got away,” she really just comes across as an empty vessel for him to pour his trauma into. “What are you looking for, Michael?” she wonders. Later, when he asks permission to do a bump of cocaine, she simply responds, “I want you to be you.” It’s a series of faux-deep exchanges that even two great performers can’t sell. (It doesn’t help that Bernthal and Moss-Bachrach wrote the episode.)
That faux-deepness is what sinks The Bear‘s other romances, too. The show tries to force these deep, cosmic connections, but it forgets that these relationships should be a two-way street. Perhaps that’s why many viewers are drawn to shipping Carmy and Sydney (Ayo Edebiri). While the showrunners have affirmed that their relationship is platonic — and I personally agree with that choice — what sets this hypothetical pairing apart is that they each have such rich lives, both in their work together and their time apart. That’s because The Bear is invested in both of them as characters, rather than just using one as a device to unlock the other. You simply can’t say the same of The Bear‘s other romantic pairings, and the release of “Gary” further proves that romance is the recipe The Bear has yet to master.
“Gary” is now streaming on Hulu. The Bear Season 5 premieres this June on Hulu.
Entertainment
The Star Trek Sex Scene That Was Almost Too Much For Audiences
By Chris Snellgrove
| Published
If there’s one thing Star Trek has always been weird about, it’s sex. Sure, The Original Series liked to titillate audiences, but broadcast restrictions kept them from getting too spicy. The Next Generation was comparatively celibate, to the point that Patrick Stewart would beg new writers to get Captain Picard laid. Eventually, the pendulum swung the other way: Discovery gave us an explicit sex scene that traumatized an unwilling participant while traumatizing the audience with the sight of naked Klingon breasts.
Obviously, it’s hard for this franchise to get sex scenes just right. When they aren’t offensive, they’re just downright goofy, like the time Dr. Crusher boned down with the Scottish bad boy that lived in her mother’s sex toy candle. Understandably, Star Trek: The Next Generation showrunner Michael Piller was worried about how audiences would react to a sex scene with Deanna Troi in “The Price” because fans kept writing in complaints before the episode even aired. But he didn’t get a single complaint after the episode, proving that audiences secretly loved seeing everyone’s favorite Betazed getting shagged!
In “The Price,” the Enterprise is hosting a number of intergalactic dignitaries who are negotiating for the rights to a major prize: access to a seemingly stable wormhole from the Alpha Quadrant to the Gamma Quadrant. One of the negotiators is secretly empathic, so it’s no surprise when he hits it off with empathic Counselor Deanna Troi. The two form a hot and heavy sexual relationship, one that only comes to an end when Troi must reluctantly reveal how her new lover has been secretly using his own Betazed abilities to manipulate negotiations from the beginning.
When previews for “The Price” first aired, the fandom collectively decided they were going to hate the scene where Troi takes Ral (her new bad-boy boyfriend) to bed. There are many possible reasons for this. Some fans hated to see Troi hook up with anyone but Riker, her fellow officer and one true Imzadi. Meanwhile, some fans hated to see Troi hook up with anyone but themselves. Whatever their motivation, more than a few fans decided to write to the Star Trek: The Next Generation crew to complain about the impending onscreen erotica.
“I’m Sensing Great Thickness, Captain”
This information comes to us courtesy of Michael Piller. As written in Captains’ Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, the TNG showrunner later lamented that “It was never meant to be outrageous television.” Despite this, “We got quite a few letters from outraged people before it aired.” Obviously, these fans thought Star Trek was about to get downright salacious. However, this story has an unexpected punchline: Piller noted that “nobody wrote after it aired.” The implication here is that nobody, even the fans who thought they would despise it, actually hated this sci-fi sex scene.
By today’s standards, the sex scene is relatively mild. There isn’t any nudity or simulated sex onscreen, and the whole thing was more sensual than anything else. Ral gives her a hot oil foot massage, she ends up straddling him, and the two spend plenty of time baring their souls while staring into each other’s eyes. Sure, it’s not as explicit as something you might find over on GornHub (what are you doing, step-reptile?!?), but by the standards of early ‘90s TV, this scene was downright smoking.
Judging from the complete and utter lack of complaints, it seems like the fandom really enjoyed this sensual scene. The franchise might have had trouble getting things just right over the years, but it seems like the TNG writers and producers finally found the right recipe for a successful Star Trek sex scene. Just take half a cup of foot stuff, eight ounces of diaphonous clothing, and three cloves of Marina Sirtis on top. Throw in a spandex-clad exercise scene as an appetizer and baby, you’ve got yourself one hell of a meal!
Entertainment
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