Connect with us

Entertainment

George Takei’s Ridiculous Sci-Fi Comedy You Never Heard Of Is Basically Alien With Rubber Ducks

By Robert Scucci
| Published

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what Alien (1979) would be like if it were a straight-up comedy, I’d like to direct your attention to 2012’s Space Milkshake, the most profoundly stupid thing I’ve watched all week. I have zero regrets because it’s the kind of low-budget, bonkers movie I love throwing on when life gets too serious and I want my escapism to actually feel earned. Both my kids have been home sick from school. They’re throwing up everywhere. I don’t like the kind of goo I have to clean up while I’m trying to work between cyclical vomiting spells and gratuitous ice-pop recoveries. But alien goo? Pass me the Kool-Aid.

Not only is there plenty of goo, there are also other things that make Space Milkshake worth your time. Babes in bubble baths. Time travel. Wisecracking AI. Sandwiches. Oh yeah, and a sentient rubber duck that may or may not actually be a giant, hostile, tentacled creature named Gary (voiced by George Takei).

Space Milkshake 2012

Like I said, this movie is super dumb. But it’s fun dumb. It’s well-thought-out dumb. It’s 87 minutes you’ll never get back, but you won’t feel like you lost anything because the humor lands, as juvenile as it may be.

Sanitation Is Risky Business

Space Milkshake takes place on the Regina, a sanitation space station inhabited by four crew members, Captain Anton (Billy Boyd), his on-again, off-again partner Valentina (Amanda Tapping), borderline goth baddie Tilda (Kristin Kreuk), and naive newcomer Jimmy (Robin Dunne). Almost immediately, Jimmy is put to work solving impossible tasks, like fixing the entire mainframe he was just introduced to and finding a workaround that lets the crew eat something other than sandwiches. Sandwiches are their primary form of sustenance. They come from a sandwich machine, the only source of food on the ship. Every day at lunch feels like a game of Russian roulette, but with questionable cold cuts.

Space Milkshake 2012

Everybody aboard the Regina sticks to a strict schedule. It doesn’t matter what kind of disaster is unfolding or what kind of labor-intensive job they’re in the middle of. If Wendi (Amy Matysio), their AI companion, says it’s time for lunch, it’s time for lunch. If it’s time to play Scrabble, it’s time to play Scrabble, and so on.

Their routine takes a turn for the worse during a one-off, unsanctioned garbage retrieval mission, when Jimmy stumbles upon an interdimensional device known as the Time Cube, which is either a planet-destroying weapon, a time machine, or both. After he disrupts the very fabric of reality by interacting with it, a number of unfortunate things happen. First, Tilda is secretly killed and replaced by her alien doppelganger, and nobody seems to notice or care.

Space Milkshake 2012

Then, even worse, Valentina’s beloved rubber ducky has a doppelganger too, and it’s actually her ex-boyfriend, Gary, in disguise. Thanks to the rift in the space-time continuum, everybody aboard the Regina is living on a timeline where Earth is devoid of life, meaning they can’t contact ground control.

As their sandwich supply continues to dwindle and Gary evolves closer to his final, terrifying form, it’s up to Jimmy to maintain the peace and restore their original timeline while all hell breaks loose aboard the ship. If you thought things couldn’t get any more chaotic, Jimmy doesn’t know Tilda is an alien clone, and as they continue to bond, he falls in love with her, which only complicates things further.

Come For The Crew, Stay For The Goo! 

Space Milkshake 2012

One conversation I have more than I’ll ever care to admit is how most modern movies have a disappointing lack of goo. If you’re like me and can’t get enough of that sweet, sweet goo, all you have to do is stick around for Space Milkshake’s third act. You’ll get your fix.

Space Milkshake is painfully low-budget, but honestly doesn’t look too bad all things considered. The only information I can find about the film’s financials suggests Telefilm Canada supported 11 films for a total investment of $9 million. If that was split evenly, it’s fair to estimate this one came in at around $800,000.

Space Milkshake 2012

Despite its obvious limitations, the establishing shots of the space station don’t look half bad, and the creature effects, while clearly from the “affordable CGI” bin, get the job done without taking you completely out of the movie. The real appeal comes from the cast’s chemistry, especially Billy Boyd’s Anton, who’s disproportionately arrogant for a captain with startlingly little to bring to the table.

In case you didn’t already pick up on this, Space Milkshake isn’t high art. It is, however, wildly entertaining, and exactly what you need if you’ve been watching too many existential heavy hitters and want a break. If you’re willing to endure the cold void of space as a rubber duck named Gary wreaks havoc on an unsuspecting sanitation crew, you can stream Space Milkshake for free on Tubi as of this writing.

Space Milkshake 2012


source

Continue Reading
Click to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Entertainment

R-Rated, 80s Heist Thriller Is James Caan's Most Overlooked Masterpiece

By Robert Scucci
| Published

Though writer-director Michael Mann is best known for 1995’s Heat, there’s another film in his catalog that is just as daring, and a little rougher around the edges. 1981’s Thief, his feature film debut, is now considered a classic, proving its staying power over the decades. It tells a slow-burn story involving the planning and execution of an elaborate diamond heist, but its tension comes from the inner workings of the crime syndicate orchestrating it, and the man trying to pull off one last big score before going legit.

In 2026, Thief sounds like any other heist flick, but it endures because it’s not beating you over the head with the heist itself. Vaults get broken into, and loyalties are betrayed, but what really makes this such an engaging watch is witnessing the planning more than the execution. The buildup is just as strong as the payoff, and that’s what makes you want to stick around.

Kind Of A True Story

Thief 1981

Based loosely on Frank Hohimer’s 1975 memoir The Home Invaders: Confessions of a Cat Burglar, Thief centers on Frank (James Caan), a safe-cracking expert and ex-con who uses his “legitimate” business ventures as a front for his criminal activities. He’s in love with Jessie (Tuesday Weld), and plans to settle down with her after explaining the true nature of his work. As luck would have it, his most recent score gets ripped off when his accomplice, Gags (Hal Frank), is thrown out of a window, and the money is stolen. After some investigating, Frank traces Gags’ murder to Attaglia (Tom Signorelli), a plating company executive who operates similarly to Frank, but at a much higher level.

As it turns out, Attaglia works for another crime lord named Leo (Robert Prosky), who has seemingly limitless resources thanks to his organized crime ring. In so many words, Leo’s racket is essentially a union for criminals who carry out heists, report their earnings, and wait for their cut. Leo, who benefits most from this operation, provides protection by supplying the infrastructure they need to get the job done. Basically, he operates like any other company ever made. Wealth is generated by frontline employees, and then they fight over the scraps their boss is kind enough to toss their way.

Thief 1981

Frank, wanting to settle down and start a family, reluctantly teams up with Leo because he has needs that can’t be fulfilled through conventional means. Jessie cannot conceive a child, and Frank’s criminal record prevents them from adopting. Leo, with his deep pockets and endless connections, can get him a baby off the black market, along with a home, a car, and just about anything he could imagine needing. The problem is that Frank is a lone wolf, and he doesn’t want to continue this lifestyle if he can score big and move on.

As Frank tries to distance himself from Leo, he also does what he does best: cracking safes. The best moments in Thief aren’t the heists themselves; it’s the biblical amount of planning that goes into them. The film goes deep into safe-cracking semantics, supply lists, timing, and getaway logistics, and this is where it really shines. Watching a group of guys plan a diamond heist while Frank suspects the police are tailing him is just as compelling as the heist itself.

Heists Are Loud As Hell In Thief

Thief 1981

While I’m far from a credible expert in diamond thievery, I couldn’t stop laughing at the actual safe-cracking sequences in Thief. The opening sequence that establishes how seasoned Frank is, as well as the final score, are louder than God himself as he hammers and blowtorches his way through massive vaults to secure the goods.

While this is probably how cracking a safe actually works in real life, my notes while watching this movie describe Frank as “An expert safecracker who’s also the loudest one. It’s a montage meant to showcase how good he is, but he’s so f****** loud that it becomes really funny if you think about it in bad faith.” That said, given how well-connected Leo is and how skilled Frank’s team is, it’s easy to suspend disbelief.

Thief 1981

What’s even more impressive is that Frank is incredibly smart, but he doesn’t have to be the smartest guy in the room. He knows what supplies he needs, travels light, and gets straight to work. For a heist movie, it’s a simple operation that benefits the storytelling, since you don’t get lost in junk science or technical jargon about CCTV and security systems. What you get instead is a group of smart criminals executing at a high level, and the fallout when they get too big for their britches.

Thief has earned its place as one of the best neo-noir films ever made, thanks to its realism and its willingness to show how far one man is willing to go to achieve what he believes is the American dream.

Thief 1981

As of this writing, you can stream Thief for free on Tubi.


source

Continue Reading

Entertainment

The 1990s Best Supernatural Horror Series Was Too Violent For CBS

By Jonathan Klotz
| Published

In 1995, CBS had a problem on its hands. The network was losing ground against the rise of NBC’s “Must See Television,” and old stalwarts Murder, She Wrote, Rescue 911, and Murphy Brown were losing to the rise of the 90s edgier, grittier content.

CBS greenlit the most creative, daring show of the 1995 television season in its bid to fight back, but American Gothic was too dark, too gritty, and too much for the future America’s Most Watched Network. Turns out, a dark series about a corrupt small-town sheriff engaged in devil-worship was a hard sell to the American public, but today, it’s an incredible one-season cult classic. 

What If The Devil Was The Law?

The star of American Gothic is the villain, Sheriff Buck (he likes to remind people it’s with a “B”), played by future NCIS leading man Gary Cole. Charismatic and charming when he wanted to be, Buck would walk around town coercing citizens into performing small favors for him, little deals here and there, that would help solidify his control over the town of Trinity. The only thing he can’t get is the only thing he truly wants: the young boy, Caleb Temple, played by Fast and Furious: Tokyo Drift star Lucas Black, as his heir. 

Standing in Buck’s way is Caleb’s dead sister, Merlyn, played by a young Sarah Paulson, but she’s still Sarah Paulson and is both incredibly creepy (she’s a ghost) and sweet (she’s a friendly ghost). Alongside his cousin, Gail (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II’s April O’Neil, Paige Turco) and the new town doctor, Dr. Crower (Medium’s Matt Weber), they try to fight against the growing darkness of Buck. Notably absent are Caleb’s parents, both dead due to Buck, and his sister becomes a ghost after she’s strangled to death by Buck. In Episode 1. 

Sarah Paulson In American Gothic

American Gothic embraces a combination of episodic storytelling, with the one about the junkyard owner in too deep with Buck as a standout, and the mythology arc of Buck’s influence spreading, festering, and making everything a little bit worse for the residents of Trinity. “Strong Arm of the Law” shows why some residents accept the obviously evil Sheriff when he puts an end to criminal out-of-towners raising chaos. It also includes the single most evil act of Buck’s: he pours out Dr. Crower’s coffee. 

American Gothic Was 30 Years Too Early

As dark and disturbing as American Gothic would get, with the assaults and child murder and all, the show was clearly heavily influenced by Twin Peaks and includes small moments of bizarre, tonally off humor. Buck himself is basically Ray Wise’s Leland Palmer dialed up to 11, Big Jim from Stephen King’s Under the Dome done right, or Andy Griffith’s intrusive thoughts. In 1995, there was nothing like this. 

Unlike most early cancellations of promising, high-concept shows, American Gothic wasn’t undone by studio interference. CBS was hands-off, allowing executive producer Sam Raimi (now it all makes sense, right?) to run with every crazy idea he had.

Proof of that is the assault, the murders, the entire Satanism undercurrent throughout the whole series, any one of which would make a show a hard sell to the general audience. CBS played up Paulson’s performance as Merlyn, using her creepy line-reading of “Someone’s at the door” in ads, but that was a little too effective and terrified an audience in love with Murder, She Wrote and Touched by an Angel

American Gothic never had a chance to finish the story. Attempts at turning it into a movie fell apart over the years, and today, it’s fondly remembered by those who gave it a chance but too often overlooked.

Over 30 years after its cancellation, the dark story of greed, lust, murder, and the occult would be an immediate hit. You can purchase the complete series today on both YouTube and Amazon Prime to see how audiences in the 90s didn’t appreciate how good they had it. 


source

Continue Reading

Entertainment

Lego is giving away N-1 Starfighter models for free ahead of Star Wars Day — how to claim yours this weekend

TL;DR: Build a Lego Star Wars N-1 Starfighter and take it home with you for free on May 3.


Lego regularly runs make and take events, providing an opportunity for participants to walk away with an exclusive build for free. We’ve made noise about a number of these free giveaways over the years, but nothing gets the people going like free Star Wars Lego.

Lego is once again celebrating Star Wars Day by offering an exclusive mini build for free. Visitors to select Lego Stores around the world can build and bring home a model Star Wars N-1 Starfighter for free. This event is intended for participants aged 10+ years, and the model is available on a first-come-first-serve basis, at participating locations, while supplies last. Warning: These free models are going to go quickly.

In the U.S. and Canada, this free giveaway will take place from 12-2 p.m. on May 3. You can then admire your free model on Star Wars Day.

Mashable Deals

By signing up, you agree to receive recurring automated SMS marketing messages from Mashable Deals at the number provided. Msg and data rates may apply. Up to 2 messages/day. Reply STOP to opt out, HELP for help. Consent is not a condition of purchase. See our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

The free model depicts the Mandalorian’s second ship with Grogu. You’re obviously not getting the same level of detail as the new 1,809-piece Lego Star Wars The Mandalorian’s N-1 Starfighter, but it’s a seriously fun collectible that money cannot buy. What’s not to love?

The only catch is that you are limited to one build per participant. You can’t just turn up and stock up, but that feels fair.

Celebrate Star Wars Day in style with a free N-1 Starfighter from Lego.

source

Continue Reading