Entertainment
The Absurd Adult Swim Short That Predicted Our Sloppification
By Robert Scucci
| Published
If there’s one piece of media that sums up our current consumption habits, it has to be Adult Swim’s Too Many Cooks. It’s an 11-minute musical short that plays out like a classic family sitcom intro before quickly going off the rails, devolving into sci-fi, crime procedurals, medical dramas, and even slasher territory before it concludes. The song itself is about how when there’s too many cooks in the pot, everybody loses the plot, and then we just kind of have to roll with it.
The segment originally aired on October 28, 2014 during Adult Swim’s Infomercials block, debuting at 4:00 a.m. Having seen this one live in real time, I remember wondering what the hell I ate before bed, and then when I looked it up the next day, it all started to make sense. It wasn’t a fever dream, but it plays like one. When you’re drifting in and out of sleep, it just seems like a bunch of senseless non sequiturs, but the more you unpack it, the more obvious it becomes that this bit, written and directed by Casper Kelly, was more prophetic than it had any right to be.
It’s slop, but it’s satirical slop. Looking back at it now, it feels like a warning shot.
It Takes A Lot To Make A Stew, A Pinch Of Salt And Laughter Too!
Too Many Cooks starts out like any other family sitcom from the ‘70s, ‘80s, or ‘90s. A sickeningly upbeat song plays while the principal characters are introduced. The problem is, the characters never stop being introduced. It just keeps going. First, it’s your typical nuclear family. Then there’s a talking puppet cat. Then we’re introduced to people in the neighborhood. Suddenly, you start to notice that one guy has been lurking in the background the entire time, and he just so happens to be a serial killer on the loose, primed to go on a rampage.
The short runs its audience through every genre imaginable, and the characters keep coming. Even worse, everybody living in Too Many Cooks becomes vaguely aware they’re trapped in a never-ending sitcom intro loop, and there’s no escape. The glowing floating signs that tell us each character’s name are actually real, and they follow the characters around. This becomes especially inconvenient when a damsel in distress hides from the crazed killer in her closet, only for her name sign to illuminate through the slats in the door.
Pushing into increasingly dark territory, the most harrowing sequence in Too Many Cooks involves the girl running through the production lot, the music coming and going depending on where she’s located. It creates a Doppler effect that’s infinitely more unnerving if you’re listening with headphones. It makes everything feel real, as if you’re running for your life while an upbeat song plays from the other room, almost like it’s laughing at you.
Things get truly absurd when Too Many Cooks goes full-on Battlestar Galactica, introducing an entire sci-fi premise where the serial killer is now loose in space, and C.O.O.K.S. stands for Cybernetic Operational Optimized Knights of Science, who defend humanity against the Beast Rebels of the Hellscape, or B.R.o.T.H., boasting the tagline, “When it comes to the future, you can never have too many cooks.”
Too Many Cooks Predicted Conformity Gate
Too Many Cooks is a prime example of what happens when too many people get involved in a single project. Without a hint of irony, it reminds me of Stranger Things Season 5. What started as a simple cosmic horror Netflix series with a tight, ensemble cast playing into our fear of the unknown, suddenly named its primary antagonist Henry and made him a weird tentacle tree monster. The mysterious Upside Down that robbed Hawkins, Indiana of its safety and innocence suddenly had dozens of rules and explanations, and none of it made sense. It just kept barreling forward, becoming increasingly ridiculous, convoluted, and unhinged, completely unaware of the fact that it lost the plot after Season 3.
Suddenly, the ensemble cast featured way too many secondary, tertiary, and ancillary characters taking on more significant roles, leaving little room for the growing staff writers, producers, directors, guest stars, and guest directors to properly housekeep. It got so bad that by the time Stranger Things wrapped for good, half its fanbase had a psychotic break, broke down every continuity error, and used them as “evidence” to suggest there’s actually a secret series finale coming that will somehow make it all better. An embarrassing blip on our screens known as “Conformity Gate.”
That’s the pun. That’s the joke. There were too many cooks in the pot, and what started as one thing became something else entirely. Across 11 minutes, the shift is gradual at first, but then it barrels headfirst into a surreal void of insanity that never lets up or makes any sense. Too Many Cooks is funny as its own standalone bit, but looking at the bigger picture, and how shows are jammed through a slop machine and written by committee today, it certainly feels like one writer’s desperate attempt to warn us about what was coming, and we didn’t listen.
It’s only fitting that Too Many Cooks, which is available to watch on Adult Swim’s YouTube channel, plays out like a show that jumped the shark years ago but doesn’t know how to call it quits. After all, it’s 12 years later, and we’re still getting new episodes of The Simpsons.
Entertainment
The One Time Batman Ruined Frasier’s Life
By Robert Scucci
| Published
Here’s a rhetorical question for you: Who’s the best Batman? That’s right, Michael Keaton. I’ll bet you’re wondering what an article about Frasier has to do with Batman, which forces me to direct your attention to the Season 9 episode, “Wheels of Fortune,” in which we learn that Frasier’s ex-wife Lilith has a disgraced half-brother, Blaine Sternin, portrayed by the best Batman himself. Most conflicts in Frasier come down to an epic battle of the wits, and our favorite titular gasbag certainly meets his match here.
Normally, Frasier and Niles spend their days looking down their noses at everybody else through a lens of self-righteous, tongue-in-cheek pomposity, including their retired cop dad Marty, Frasier’s radio producer Roz Doyle, sports shock jock Bulldog, and just about anybody else who crosses their paths. In “Wheels of Fortune,” however, Frasier comes to intellectual and spiritual blows with Blaine Sternin, a con artist of the highest order who’s working yet another scheme that Frasier sees through immediately while everybody else falls for it hook, line, and sinker.
It’s Michael Keaton at his scummiest, and he’s truly in his element, making for one of the more entertaining episodes this late in the series’ run.
Charm Is The Viscous Grease With Which He Lubricates His Flim-Flam Machine!
Up to this point in Frasier’s run, we’ve never even heard of Blaine Sternin, and rightfully so. Frasier’s divorce from Lilith before the events of the series has him living on the other side of the country, only seeing his son Frederick during holidays or school breaks. Once Frasier realizes that a run-in with Blaine is imminent, however, we quickly learn why he’s avoided any form of contact with the man for the sake of his own mental health and personal finances.
The episode kicks off with Frasier wrapping up his call-in show at KACL when Roz steps into the booth to let him know that Blaine, who he hasn’t heard from in years, is looking for him. Frasier immediately assumes that his ex-half-brother-in-law is back to his usual tricks, the most egregious involving Blaine stealing his antique salt server years ago. All signs suggest that Blaine wants to reconcile with Frasier, but Frasier wants no part of it because he assumes the worst is about to happen.
Back at his apartment, Frasier warns Niles, Marty, and Daphne about Blaine just before hearing a knock at the door. It’s Blaine, but now he’s confined to a wheelchair and supposedly a Born-Again Christian. He quotes scripture, encourages everybody to say grace before dinner, and reveals his true intentions: he’s starting a career as a preacher and will be speaking in town the following day. He also alludes to being $1,000 short on the room deposit needed to make that happen, though he assures Frasier he’s not asking for a handout.
Frasier, neither impressed nor willing to believe that Blaine is actually paraplegic, remains on high alert while the rest of the group slowly warms up to him. He’s right to be wary because the last time he fell for Blaine’s tricks, he lost a significant amount of money on “Kelp Futures.”
As you would expect, Frasier gets humbled in the worst possible way when he tips Blaine out of his wheelchair during the event before receiving confirmation from the doctor that Blaine is actually crippled. Publicly humiliated, Frasier makes a sizable donation to save face, only to later learn that Blaine was faking the whole thing after all. It’s one of those rare instances where Frasier becomes so obsessive in sizing somebody up that he comes off as irrational and absurd, only to be completely vindicated in the end because you never mess with Batman.
This Isn’t The Only Batman To Frasier Pipeline
“Wheels of Fortune” is a top-tier Frasier episode that would never have landed nearly as well without Keaton’s legendary performance. Going back to his stand-up days, when he made esoteric jokes about Bazooka Joe comics, Keaton has always carried this wry smile and borderline sleazy energy without ever feeling outright sleazy. Something about his smirk always suggests he’s up to something, and he fully leans into that energy in “Wheels of Fortune.”
But the Batman-to-Frasier pipeline doesn’t stop there. In the 2005 sports dramedy Game 6, Keaton’s Nicky Rogan has an extramarital affair with one of his investors, Joanna Bourne, portrayed by Bebe Neuwirth, who of course portrays Lilith in Frasier. In other words, Lilith and her half-brother Blaine are romantically involved in this context, which would absolutely make Frasier’s blood boil if he ever walked in on them getting down to business. Fortunately for the world-weary psychiatrist, these two fictional worlds will never collide because if they did, I don’t think the man would ever recover from it.
Frasier is streaming on Paramount+.
Entertainment
All The Comics You Need To Read Before X-Men ‘97 Season 2
By Chris Snellgrove
| Published
It seems that Disney has finally figured out the secret to getting fans to care about Marvel again: throw in the X-Men, baby! Hype for Avengers: Doomsday didn’t reach its zenith until the trailer, which brought back Cyclops, Magneto, and Professor X from the 20th Century Fox films. Before that, a third Deadpool movie seemed pretty “meh” until the reveal that he’d be fighting alongside Wolverine, everyone’s favorite canucklehead. Meanwhile, fans who couldn’t remember the last time they watched anything on Disney+ flocked to the streamer to watch X-Men ‘97, arguably the best thing this franchise has given us in at least a decade.
Now, the trailer for X-Men ‘97 Season 2 show just dropped, and you don’t need Cerebro to detect fan excitement all around the world. One reason to be excited is that the second season, like the first, is going to incorporate some of the most important storylines from the X-Men comics. By reading (or re-reading) those comics, you can get a solid idea of what will be happening in Season 2, which premieres on July 1, and be better able to appreciate every little Easter egg. Based on the trailer, which comics should you thumb through before the new season hits? Keep reading, true believer, and I’ll tell you!
Adventures Of Cyclops And Phoenix
In the ‘90s X-Men comics, Cyclops and Jean Grey finally got married. The miniseries Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix revealed that, not too long after they got hitched, these newlyweds were transported to an Apocalypse-ruled far future by Rachel Summers, their daughter from a different alternate future (it’s complicated). There, they are reunited with Nathan Summers, Cyclops’ son from a previous relationship, who grows up to be Cable, the time-traveling hero. Cyclops and Jean Grey spend 12 years raising Nathan and training him in his powers, but they are eventually brought back to their present day, where no time has actually passed.
Why should you re-read this comic before X-Men ‘97 Season 2? Cyclops and Jean Grey were transported into the future at the end of Season 1, and the new trailer shows them walking through a field of corpses in a world ruled by Apocalypse. It looks like the show will be doing its own homage to Adventures of Cyclops and Phoenix, and it’s a pretty solid bet we’ll see young Nathan Summers in Season 2. That will also give us some important background information and character-building for Cable, who (thanks to his time-travel abilities) remains one of the show’s most important characters.
The Twelve
“The Twelve” (sometimes written as “Apocalypse: The Twelve”) was a crossover comic event in which a weakened Apocalypse hatched a crazy plan to achieve supreme power. He captured 12 very specific mutants with the intent of basically stealing their powers and becoming omnipotent. However, his battered body couldn’t withstand all this extra juice, so he had a backup plan: to give it all to Nate Gray (an alternate universe Cable) and then put his own mind in the young man’s body. Our heroes stop the villain, but he goes on to rewrite reality in a later arc, and he’s only stopped when the X-Men defeat him in both the past and the present.
Why read this crossover before X-Men ‘97 Season 2? The trailer shows an interesting cave etching where several X-Men are seemingly looking up at a mysterious floating figure. This implies we may be getting a version of “The Twelve” storyline where Apocalypse is hoping to steal some very specific powers, putting them into a new body along with his own mind. This is the story where Wolverine gets his adamantium back, which would build on the hero’s story from Season 1. Plus, the overarching plot of Season 2, where X-Men fight Apocalypse in the past and the present, is reminiscent of what happened in “Ages of Apocalypse,” a comic story that happened soon after “The Twelve.”
Bonus Reading
So, based on the trailer for X-Men ‘97 Season 2, those are the big comic storylines we can expect to be adapted for the show. With that said, there’s some bonus reading that you may want to do. For example, you should consider reading “Blood of Apocalypse,” a story in which the titular villain transforms Gambit into one of his Horsemen. The end of Season 1 highly implied that Apocalypse intended to bring the ragin’ Cajun back to life, and the Season 2 trailer further implies that there’s a resurrection in the cards for Gambit. By reading this comic, you may get a better idea of how the hero’s return will be handled in the show.
Additionally, you should consider reading Grant Morrison’s New X-Men run for several reasons, including the fact that it’s the best run in the entire history of the comics (I said what I said!). Additionally, the trailer gave us glimpses of Quentin Quire and maybe Xorn, two characters introduced to the franchise by Morrison. The trailer also briefly showed Emma Frost, who first joins the team in New X-Men. Finally, the show has already adapted one major storyline from Morrison’s run (namely, the brutal attack on Genosha), and it wouldn’t be surprising if we get other arcs. As a bonus, this comic also introduces Cassandra Nova, who was the Big Bad of Deadpool & Wolverine.
Bust Out Those Longboxes, Boys
Obviously, you don’t have to read these classic comics to enjoy the show. One of the best things about X-Men ‘97 is that it is remarkably accessible to new fans of the franchise. However, Season 1 was filled with amazing homages and Easter eggs from the comics, and noticing them is a great way to enhance your appreciation for the best show Marvel ever made. Now, you have a chance to brush up on some classic comic reading and maybe get a better idea of what to expect from Season 2.
Of course, the show never does a straight adaptation of comic events, and it’s also rewarding to see how the writers have modified classic storylines and woven them into something new. If nothing else, the imminent arrival of X-Men ‘97 Season 2 gives you a chance to read New X-Men, the most important comic in the history of the franchise. In the immortal words of Bob Belcher, “I don’t want to oversell it. But if changes you forever.”
Entertainment
The Sexiest Sci-Fi Of The 70s Starred A Comedy Legend
By Jonathan Klotz
| Published
Mork and Mindy is secretly hiding one of the 70s sexiest episodes of sci-fi television. The Happy Days spin-off that turned Robin Williams into a star and “Nanu Nanu” into a hit catchphrase went into Fall Sweeps with a two-parter episode, “Mork vs. The Necrotons,” unlike anything the series had, or ever would do. Casting icon Raquel Welch as an alien invader will do that. “Mork vs. The Necrotons” turned Welch’s appeal into the focus of the episode by literally weaponizing it.
Invasion Of The Super Models
The Necrotons are evil alien conquerors out to use Mork’s knowledge of Earth to add it to their empire. For the first half of “Mork vs. The Necrotons,” Mork is trying to hide from the evil aliens even though he has no idea what they look like. Mork explains to Mindy, “they only know three emotions: Hate, Lust, and Greed,” going on and on about how evil they are. It’s all to set up the gag when Raquel Welch walks in as Captain Nirvana with her two henchwomen, Karma (Debra Jo Fondren, Playboy’s 1978 Playmate of the Year) and Sutra (Vicki Frederick, a Broadway dancer who appeared on Dream On 11 years later), all clad in skintight spandex.
Mork and Mindy was filmed in front of a live studio audience that loses their minds at the reveal, but that was just the start. Nirvana abducts Mork to their spaceship, an art-deco sci-fi set complete with a hot tub in the middle. Torturing Mork to get him to reveal what he knows about Earth involves him spending time in a hot tub with Kama and Sutra, before Nirvana takes matters into her own hands. The wolf whistles from the audience are enough to blow out your speakers.
Robin Williams Vs. Jigglevision
Airing in November, 1979, “Mork vs. The Necrotons” is winking to the audience, and Robin Williams would say later that “a lot of little kids went through puberty watching that episode.” At the time, ABC was gaining a reputation for “jigglevision,” a catchy term for its penchant to stack shows with as much sex appeal as possible. Which Williams wasn’t a fan of, saying “we lost a lot of the audience.”
Adding to the cast’s mixed feelings about the very different episode was Raquel Welch herself, who, the episode’s director Howard Storm described as “every director’s worst nightmare.” Allegedly, Welch was concerned over being upstaged by her two henchwomen, amping up her own performance to be as sexy as possible on broadcast television and asking that Kama and Sutra wear masks. Given the audience reaction to the moment when the two henchwomen drop their robes and wear the smallest bikinis then seen on ABC.
Robin Williams and Pam Dawber (Mindy, and future wife of NCIS’ Mark Harmon) may have hated what Mork and Mindy became with “Mork vs. The Necrotons,” but the audience obviously loved it. Television was going through an awkward growth spurt during the late 70s before it would be changed forever in the 80s with the rise of prime-time soaps Dallas and Dynasty, and the decade-defining Miami Vice. Mork and Mindy isn’t often thought of as being on the cutting edge of television, but Williams’ manic energy, comedic timing, and episodes that broke sitcom conventions turned the series into an all-time classic.
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