Entertainment
Raunchy, R-Rated Heist Comedy Is Too Funny For Its Own Good
By Robert Scucci
| Published
Let’s talk about 1990’s straight-to-VHS crime caper Down the Drain for a minute. The things that happen in this movie are funny. The exchanges between its principal characters are funny. Ken Foree from the original Dawn of the Dead gets in a shootout on a skateboard, but only after getting cavity searched by Andrew Stevens’ Victor Scalla. Teri Copley is a blonde bombshell who knows how to use a gun and seduce her way out of sticky situations. John Matuszak, in his last film appearance before his untimely death, catches bullets with his teeth when people try to shoot him in the face.
Every individual part of this heist movie is hilarious. But for some reason, it never comes together as a fully satisfying movie. It’s one of the most perplexing things I’ve ever witnessed in this genre. I was laughing out loud to myself the entire time I was snapping stills for this article because there are so many great shareable moments. When the thing plays in real time, though, it feels like a straight-to-video movie trying a little too hard to be edgy, because that’s exactly what it is. There are plenty of zingers, and I strongly recommend it to anybody who loves a good old fashioned comedy of errors. The problem is that the jokes miss more than they hit.
Since we’re talking about a numbers game when it comes to jokes per minute, it’s still a valiant effort. This is the perfect movie to throw on and watch passively while working on projects around the house. The plot is nonsensical, but there are individual moments worth seeking out.
The Dumbest Heist Committed To Film
Down the Drain’s heist is so dumb that it just might work. We’re introduced to Victor Scalla (Andrew Stevens), a crooked lawyer with a supposedly genius plan. He recruits his former criminal clients, with the help of his mistress Kathy Miller (Teri Copley), sneaks through the city’s sewer system, and robs the safe deposit boxes at a new bank that’s only been open for a few weeks. Running under the assumption that it’ll be a light haul, the plan is to steal everything and wait for people to report their belongings missing. If anything from those safe deposit boxes is considered irreplaceable, Victor figures people will come looking for it and offer a hefty reward. That’s it. That’s the plan.
Victor cobbles together a ragtag group of criminals like bruiser Jed Stewart (John Matuszak), loose cannon Buckley (Ken Foree), master lock picker Tom Dart (Barry Neikrug), and the flatulent, overweight Jay (Mickey Morton). They break into the vault and take whatever they can get their hands on. Immediately after sizing up the haul, Victor suspects that everybody involved, including Kathy, has skimmed off the top, defeating the entire purpose of the robbery.
The plan hinges on sitting around and waiting until the jewelry and rare coins are reported missing, then selling them back to their original owners at a premium. If anything goes missing from their stash, the whole operation falls apart.
As it so inconveniently turns out, one of the items they stole is a top-secret microchip that kicks off a wild goose chase. Suddenly, an operation built on petty theft turns into a national security issue, as multiple foreign powers come after the chip for their own nefarious purposes.
Plot Notwithstanding, It’s A Very Inconsistent Farse
I really wanted to like Down the Drain, but the whole thing is all over the place. The gags flirt with Naked Gun or Fatal Instinct territory, but the movie refuses to pick a lane and stay in it. One second there’s highly quotable banter, and the next everyone is playing it completely straight. At one point, Victor hires a Mexican master of disguise named Chico (Sal Lopez), who runs around wearing novelty glasses with a giant nose and fake mustache. Then there’s an extremely confusing car chase where everyone is driving nearly identical red cars, which ends on a low note when we think our hero just got driven off a cliff and killed.
Victor Scalla kills a man with a Rubik’s Cube, has an impenetrable bunker rigged with electricity and knockout gas, but still can’t stop his mistress and accomplice from stealing from him whenever the opportunity presents itself. I see what they’re going for here, but it never quite lands because the movie is so tonally scattered.
If you want to laugh at a bunch of hilarious non sequiturs without getting invested in the plot or its inconsistencies, Down the Drain is perfect background viewing. Throw it on while you’re working around the house and glance up when something ridiculous happens. If you’re planning to give it your full attention, though, it’s a rough watch.
Down the Drain is streaming for free on Tubi, and a lot of your enjoyment will come from the fact that you didn’t have to pay for it.
Entertainment
HBO's Harry Potter Series Will Definitely Fail For One Big Reason, And It's Not J.K. Rowling Or Snape
By Jonathan Klotz
| Updated
Harry Potter is coming back. If it were in POG form, everyone might be more excited. Warner Bros. dropped the first trailer for the upcoming HBO Max series, Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, which has touched off a fresh round of debates over whether or not the series should be boycotted due to J.K. Rowling’s beliefs and who even wanted this series in the first place.
Here’s the trailer…
No matter how you feel about the Boy Who Lived or the rich and famous author who created the most poorly designed sport in literature, it might be some solace to know Warner Bros. is going to fail spectacularly, and it has nothing to do with anyone’s opinions. It’s about money. A lot of money. So much in fact, that it’s impossible enough people will watch the new streaming series to break even, and don’t even think of turning a profit.
The Most Expensive Entertainment Project In History
The 2001 adaptation of Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone made a billion dollars on a budget of $125 million. By way of comparison, the HBO Max series has an estimated budget of $100 million. Per episode.
That’s before the marketing blitz that you won’t be able to get away from, even if you close your eyes while sitting in your tiny room underneath the stairwell. To put this in perspective, Warner Bros. is spending more money on the upcoming streaming series than any studio has ever spent on a single piece of entertainment. Series, movie, The Eras Tour, Dinotopia, doesn’t matter, nothing will come close to the sheer amount of money Warner Bros is setting on fire.
If you watch the initial trailer, it feels like a version of the movie fell out of an alternate universe. Everything looks similar to the original film, but it’s slightly off.
The cast looks like their movie counterparts. The one very notable exception is Snape, who’s also the single worst character in the series to race swap if you worry about things such as why everyone’s suspicious of him for no real reason, or why James Potter bullies him. It’s a baffling choice in a trailer full of baffling choices.
Yer A Remake Harry!
To its credit, the trailer does attempt to answer the question as to why the series is being made. With a single season covering each of the books, finally, the little details that Potterheads have obsessed over for generations will get to leave the page. From the large changes, Headless Nick’s birthday party, to the smaller, calm changes of the later novels, a book-accurate adaptation could only be done as a series.
Though Warner Bros is making it the largest entertainment project since the Romans erected the Colosseum, the first trailer can’t quite shake the nagging feeling that it’s destined to fail. Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is going to be seen by millions and millions of people around the world, but at a total price tag approaching $4 billion, it seems impossible for it to become a financial success, which, as we all know, is sadly the only type of success that matters to studios.
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone is coming to HBO Max around Christmas 2026.
Entertainment
The Last NCIS Has One Fatal Flaw
By Robert Scucci
| Published
NCIS is one of those ride-or-die franchises you’ll have a shaky relationship with for the rest of your life if you started watching at a certain age. I remember sitting with my parents watching the flagship series when it first came out, and over the years I’ve kept tabs on its many spinoffs. Now that NCIS: Los Angeles, New Orleans, and Hawai’i have run their course, and the one-off Tony & Ziva miniseries totally screwed the pooch, we’re back to just the flagship series and its prequel, NCIS: Origins.
Honestly, I’m okay with this. The original series still has its charm despite its many personnel changes, and NCIS: Origins allows for some great retconning and callbacks that are obvious enough for diehard fans, but not so granular that newcomers can’t jump in without doing homework. It’s a perfect show if you’re a fan of the franchise, and the best thing that’s been put out in years.
However, there’s one big problem that NCIS: Origins runs into, and it’s something unavoidable: there’s no suspense. Don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of thrills in the heat of the moment when the drama gets dialed up. There are also surprisingly strong action sequences for a series that belongs to a franchise that’s basically a procedural soap opera for boomers who just want to tune into their stories week after week.
One Specific Kind Of Suspense Is Missing
On an episode-to-episode basis, there are plenty of reasons to keep tuning into NCIS: Origins. We get to learn about the early days of Special Agent in Charge Leroy Jethro Gibbs, and how he cut his teeth working for NIS before it became the agency and franchise we all know and love. We see how his 91 rules came to be. We get more backstory on Special Agent Mike Franks, the best character in the series (and it’s not even close), and Kyle Schmid is a dead ringer for the older, somehow more cynical Franks from the original series (Muse Watson).
Even better, comic relief comes in the form of Randy Randolf (Caleb Foote), who, if it weren’t for Franks, would be the standout character. We also get the best kind of wise-cracking forensic nerd banter from Woody (Bobby Moynihan) and Philip (Ely Henry). I could go on, but the point is, NCIS: Origins is a beyond solid series, sans one thing.
There’s no real suspense.
Yes, people get hurt, and dangerous leads get chased, but that’s not the kind of suspense I’m talking about.
The kind of suspense the show is missing, which is par for the course when it comes to prequels, is the kind it could never have in the first place. The show stars Austin Stowell as a young and hungry Gibbs, but it’s still narrated by Mark Harmon. More importantly, we know Gibbs rises through the ranks and then has a 20-year tenure on NCIS. In other words, any time Gibbs finds himself in danger in NCIS: Origins, we know without a sliver of doubt that he’s going to be just fine.
The same can be said for Franks, and the rest of the gang to a certain degree. While I’m speculating here, I think we can guess Lala’s (Mariel Molino) fate as well. She’s never mentioned in the flagship series, yet she’s a constant presence in NCIS: Origins, the series that tells Gibbs’ entire backstory leading up to NCIS. I could be grasping at straws, but I have reason to believe something terrible happens to her that’s too painful to bring up later. The series has done an excellent job retconning the original series, so it’s surprising that they’d come up with a character who could have easily been one of the dozens of agents mentioned in the main series but never actually seen on screen or seen in passing.
In other words, as much as I like her character, I’m not going to get too attached because she’ll probably meet a tragic end at some point.
Fortunately, We Don’t Need This Kind Of Suspense
Thankfully, NCIS: Origins is worth tuning into week after week, not for the suspense, which we’ve established doesn’t exist here for obvious reasons, but because it’s an excellent character study of one of cable’s most iconic, coffee-chugging curmudgeons. We’re currently watching Gibbs’ second marriage, which has yet to fall apart, and I can’t wait to see how that whole thing dissolves, along with his (checks notes) third and fourth marriages.
Lack of pure, adrenaline-pumping thrills aside, showrunners Gina Lucita Monreal and David J. North know what they’re doing with the lore. NCIS: Origins remains a great watch for old-timers and newcomers alike. But if you’re like me and find yourself asking your wife, “Do you think he’s going to make it?” for the thousandth time in an attempt to be funny (she doesn’t find it funny), you’ll be pleased to know that Gibbs does, in fact, make it out alive, and then goes on to star in another 435 episodes.
NCIS: Origins is streaming on Paramount+
Entertainment
Lord Of The Rings Is Now In The Hands Of One Of America's Most Hated Celebrities
By Jennifer Asencio
| Updated
Just when we thought the cancellation of The Late Show with Stephen Colbert meant the end of seeing the comedian’s rhetoric, he’s rising again like Sauron trying to collect the One Ring. But this time, the target of his didactic punditry is nerddom: Colbert is penning a “sequel” to The Lord of the Rings.
One Sequel To Rule Them All
The movie’s working title is The Lord of the Rings: Shadow of the Past and is going into production after the newest entry, The Hunt for Gollum.
Colbert believes he can add to JRR Tolkien’s work with a story that begins 14 years after Frodo leaves for the Grey Wastes. Sam’s daughter goes girl-boss and makes a discovery that leads her “to uncover why the War of the Ring was nearly lost before it began.” That leads to a flashback in which the movie will cover chapters 3-8 of The Fellowship of the Ring, a story that includes exciting prospects like The Barrow Downs.
As if The Hobbit and Rings of Power weren’t damaging enough to Tolkien’s legacy, now we’re getting another shameless cash grab at the expense of the author’s work. Only this time, one of the most divisive and extremely political personalities in Hollywood is writing the script.
Colbert is co-writing the film with his son, Peter McGee, and “franchise veteran” Philippa Boyens. Boyens has long been a part of the Peter Jackson productions; she co-wrote The Lord of the Rings, The Hobbit, and Jackson’s King Kong.
Colbert Really Is A Certified Tolkien Obsessive
Colbert has been held out as a Tolkien expert since the announcement on March 24, 2026, and that is actually fair, no matter what one thinks of his extreme political views. He has studied the author’s work extensively, to the point where he can speak both Elvish languages, Quenya and Sindarin.
The biggest question on the minds of fans is whether Colbert will be tempted to infuse the story with his personal politics, or if the writing team will try to add extra material that isn’t needed by Tolkien’s story. The Hobbit didn’t work because it added embellishments, such as the romance between Tauriel and Kili. Rings of Power doesn’t work because, on top of adding modern identity politics to the series, it also doesn’t follow the source material, earning the derision of many Tolkien fans.
Boyens has shown that when she sticks to Middle Earth and not regular Earth, she can deliver on Tolkien’s mastery. However, the inclusion of Colbert raises concerns that this movie will stray beyond Tolkien’s boundaries.
In his other job as a talk show host, Colbert has made it a mission to inject his divisive personal politics into his work. That tendency towards personalizing what he does could either strongly enhance a new Lord of the Rings project or turn it into a stain on Tolkien’s legacy by applying themes to the world of the One Ring that Tolkien never intended. Which Colbert will ultimately write the script: the political loudmouth or the Tolkien scholar?
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