Entertainment
Kirstie Alley's Wild 80s Sci-Fi Features A Magnum P.I. And Gene Simmons Robot Showdown
By Robert Scucci
| Published
Sometimes, if you want to see something vaguely original, you have to go back to the 80s for some good old-fashioned sci-fi police work. While there are plenty of dystopian features set in the not-so-distant future from this era, 1984’s Runaway is the most insane one you’ve never heard of. Thankfully, the kind of movies that have stars who would probably rather you forget they exist all end up on Tubi sooner or later, and then we have to talk about them.
Runaway has all the beats you’d expect from a police procedural, except in its version of the future (1991), robots have been modified into murder machines operated by Gene Simmons, and Tom Selleck (and his mustache) has to save the day before there’s too much collateral damage to ever realistically consider repairing.
While I’ll admit to laughing out loud at this film more than writer-director Michael Crichton intended, I have to give it props for being a constant source of entertainment. Everybody plays it super straight in Runaway, which, to me, seems like an impossible task, especially when you consider the fact that this is the villain’s first acting role outside of Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park.
Magnum P.I. And The Guy From Kiss At Constant Odds
Runaway, at its core, tells a story about robots versus humans. First, we have to learn about Sgt. Jack Ramsay (Tom Selleck), one of those classic “damn, he’s good” officers with a troubled past. He used to be a beat cop, but made a career change after his fear of heights resulted in a criminal getting away and murdering six people. Now, he’s a robotics expert working for the “Runaway” squad, a designated task force devoted to homicides involving only robots, an occurrence so common in 1991 that there’s an entire unit for it.
Working alongside his partner, Officer Karen Thompson (Cynthia Rhodes), Jack finds himself in hot pursuit of disgraced defense contractor Dr. Charles Luther (Gene Simmons). Luther went rogue years prior when he realized the technology he created, like robotic smart bombs and heat-guided bullets, could be sold for a profit on the black market. He killed off his whole team and went out on his own, bringing us to the present day, where Jack needs to track him down and lock him up before this sophisticated military tech falls into even wronger hands.
The missing link between our heroes and their enemy is Jackie Rogers (Kirstie Alley), Luther’s ex-lover who has access to the templates he needs to carry out his plan of mass-producing an army of evil robots. After being thoroughly strip-searched, it becomes clear she wants to be on the right side of history when push comes to shove, and it’s the cops against the robot overlords.
As you would expect, Jack is afraid of heights and haunted by his past because of it, so, you know … third-act skyscraper fight. Everything in this movie hinges on simplicity, and if you’ve ever found yourself craving a movie with a clear good guy and bad guy, this is it.
Gene Simmons Has One Face
Throughout the film, we learn just how great Sergeant Jack Ramsay is. He knows everything there is to know about robots, even though it appears that Tom Selleck himself completely glazes over when he has to go into technobabble. He’s framed as the best dad ever, even though his interactions with his son Bobby (Joey Cramer) are minimal, most often involving Jack tucking him in after spending days away from home working cases.
Don’t worry about the potential neglect, though, because Jack has a sophisticated robot house maid that handles all the chores, cooking, and more domestically inclined activities that an active parent would typically engage in. Whether that robot gets wired to explode at the worst possible time is something you’ll just have to find out for yourself.
Runaway’s real draw, though, comes from Gene Simmons. Outside of any KISS-related intellectual properties, this was his first acting role, though it’s been reported that he’d been practicing the craft since 1981 while waiting for the perfect moment to make his feature film debut. Luther, as far as villains go, is pretty stock. He’s a total robot nerd, and his one-liners, if you could call them that, aren’t even memorable. Point in case? I don’t remember any of them.
However, Simmons is really good at making this one face that tells the viewer, without any sliver of doubt, that he’s the antagonist in Runaway. He’s got this signature snarl, so before we even know the full scope of his evil intentions, all you need is a simple shot of him walking around and being himself before saying, “Yup! That’s him! That’s definitely the bad guy!” To Simmons’ credit, it’s a pretty good face, there’s just no great acting or dialogue coming from it.
He does walk around brandishing giant, futuristic guns and has a legion of miniature mechanical spiders to do his bidding, so it’s totally worth checking out for that alone.
Runaway leaves very little to the imagination, but for what it’s worth, it’s a straightforward sci-fi action flick to throw on that doesn’t require a whole lot of mental bandwidth to enjoy. As of this writing, you can stream it for free on Tubi.