Entertainment
Kirstie Alley's Wild 80s Sci-Fi Features A Magnum P.I. And Gene Simmons Robot Showdown
By Robert Scucci
| Published
Sometimes, if you want to see something vaguely original, you have to go back to the 80s for some good old-fashioned sci-fi police work. While there are plenty of dystopian features set in the not-so-distant future from this era, 1984’s Runaway is the most insane one you’ve never heard of. Thankfully, the kind of movies that have stars who would probably rather you forget they exist all end up on Tubi sooner or later, and then we have to talk about them.
Runaway has all the beats you’d expect from a police procedural, except in its version of the future (1991), robots have been modified into murder machines operated by Gene Simmons, and Tom Selleck (and his mustache) has to save the day before there’s too much collateral damage to ever realistically consider repairing.
While I’ll admit to laughing out loud at this film more than writer-director Michael Crichton intended, I have to give it props for being a constant source of entertainment. Everybody plays it super straight in Runaway, which, to me, seems like an impossible task, especially when you consider the fact that this is the villain’s first acting role outside of Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park.
Magnum P.I. And The Guy From Kiss At Constant Odds
Runaway, at its core, tells a story about robots versus humans. First, we have to learn about Sgt. Jack Ramsay (Tom Selleck), one of those classic “damn, he’s good” officers with a troubled past. He used to be a beat cop, but made a career change after his fear of heights resulted in a criminal getting away and murdering six people. Now, he’s a robotics expert working for the “Runaway” squad, a designated task force devoted to homicides involving only robots, an occurrence so common in 1991 that there’s an entire unit for it.
Working alongside his partner, Officer Karen Thompson (Cynthia Rhodes), Jack finds himself in hot pursuit of disgraced defense contractor Dr. Charles Luther (Gene Simmons). Luther went rogue years prior when he realized the technology he created, like robotic smart bombs and heat-guided bullets, could be sold for a profit on the black market. He killed off his whole team and went out on his own, bringing us to the present day, where Jack needs to track him down and lock him up before this sophisticated military tech falls into even wronger hands.
The missing link between our heroes and their enemy is Jackie Rogers (Kirstie Alley), Luther’s ex-lover who has access to the templates he needs to carry out his plan of mass-producing an army of evil robots. After being thoroughly strip-searched, it becomes clear she wants to be on the right side of history when push comes to shove, and it’s the cops against the robot overlords.
As you would expect, Jack is afraid of heights and haunted by his past because of it, so, you know … third-act skyscraper fight. Everything in this movie hinges on simplicity, and if you’ve ever found yourself craving a movie with a clear good guy and bad guy, this is it.
Gene Simmons Has One Face
Throughout the film, we learn just how great Sergeant Jack Ramsay is. He knows everything there is to know about robots, even though it appears that Tom Selleck himself completely glazes over when he has to go into technobabble. He’s framed as the best dad ever, even though his interactions with his son Bobby (Joey Cramer) are minimal, most often involving Jack tucking him in after spending days away from home working cases.
Don’t worry about the potential neglect, though, because Jack has a sophisticated robot house maid that handles all the chores, cooking, and more domestically inclined activities that an active parent would typically engage in. Whether that robot gets wired to explode at the worst possible time is something you’ll just have to find out for yourself.
Runaway’s real draw, though, comes from Gene Simmons. Outside of any KISS-related intellectual properties, this was his first acting role, though it’s been reported that he’d been practicing the craft since 1981 while waiting for the perfect moment to make his feature film debut. Luther, as far as villains go, is pretty stock. He’s a total robot nerd, and his one-liners, if you could call them that, aren’t even memorable. Point in case? I don’t remember any of them.
However, Simmons is really good at making this one face that tells the viewer, without any sliver of doubt, that he’s the antagonist in Runaway. He’s got this signature snarl, so before we even know the full scope of his evil intentions, all you need is a simple shot of him walking around and being himself before saying, “Yup! That’s him! That’s definitely the bad guy!” To Simmons’ credit, it’s a pretty good face, there’s just no great acting or dialogue coming from it.
He does walk around brandishing giant, futuristic guns and has a legion of miniature mechanical spiders to do his bidding, so it’s totally worth checking out for that alone.
Runaway leaves very little to the imagination, but for what it’s worth, it’s a straightforward sci-fi action flick to throw on that doesn’t require a whole lot of mental bandwidth to enjoy. As of this writing, you can stream it for free on Tubi.
Entertainment
The Star Trek Sex Scene That Was Almost Too Much For Audiences
By Chris Snellgrove
| Published
If there’s one thing Star Trek has always been weird about, it’s sex. Sure, The Original Series liked to titillate audiences, but broadcast restrictions kept them from getting too spicy. The Next Generation was comparatively celibate, to the point that Patrick Stewart would beg new writers to get Captain Picard laid. Eventually, the pendulum swung the other way: Discovery gave us an explicit sex scene that traumatized an unwilling participant while traumatizing the audience with the sight of naked Klingon breasts.
Obviously, it’s hard for this franchise to get sex scenes just right. When they aren’t offensive, they’re just downright goofy, like the time Dr. Crusher boned down with the Scottish bad boy that lived in her mother’s sex toy candle. Understandably, Star Trek: The Next Generation showrunner Michael Piller was worried about how audiences would react to a sex scene with Deanna Troi in “The Price” because fans kept writing in complaints before the episode even aired. But he didn’t get a single complaint after the episode, proving that audiences secretly loved seeing everyone’s favorite Betazed getting shagged!
In “The Price,” the Enterprise is hosting a number of intergalactic dignitaries who are negotiating for the rights to a major prize: access to a seemingly stable wormhole from the Alpha Quadrant to the Gamma Quadrant. One of the negotiators is secretly empathic, so it’s no surprise when he hits it off with empathic Counselor Deanna Troi. The two form a hot and heavy sexual relationship, one that only comes to an end when Troi must reluctantly reveal how her new lover has been secretly using his own Betazed abilities to manipulate negotiations from the beginning.
When previews for “The Price” first aired, the fandom collectively decided they were going to hate the scene where Troi takes Ral (her new bad-boy boyfriend) to bed. There are many possible reasons for this. Some fans hated to see Troi hook up with anyone but Riker, her fellow officer and one true Imzadi. Meanwhile, some fans hated to see Troi hook up with anyone but themselves. Whatever their motivation, more than a few fans decided to write to the Star Trek: The Next Generation crew to complain about the impending onscreen erotica.
“I’m Sensing Great Thickness, Captain”
This information comes to us courtesy of Michael Piller. As written in Captains’ Logs: The Unauthorized Complete Trek Voyages, the TNG showrunner later lamented that “It was never meant to be outrageous television.” Despite this, “We got quite a few letters from outraged people before it aired.” Obviously, these fans thought Star Trek was about to get downright salacious. However, this story has an unexpected punchline: Piller noted that “nobody wrote after it aired.” The implication here is that nobody, even the fans who thought they would despise it, actually hated this sci-fi sex scene.
By today’s standards, the sex scene is relatively mild. There isn’t any nudity or simulated sex onscreen, and the whole thing was more sensual than anything else. Ral gives her a hot oil foot massage, she ends up straddling him, and the two spend plenty of time baring their souls while staring into each other’s eyes. Sure, it’s not as explicit as something you might find over on GornHub (what are you doing, step-reptile?!?), but by the standards of early ‘90s TV, this scene was downright smoking.
Judging from the complete and utter lack of complaints, it seems like the fandom really enjoyed this sensual scene. The franchise might have had trouble getting things just right over the years, but it seems like the TNG writers and producers finally found the right recipe for a successful Star Trek sex scene. Just take half a cup of foot stuff, eight ounces of diaphonous clothing, and three cloves of Marina Sirtis on top. Throw in a spandex-clad exercise scene as an appetizer and baby, you’ve got yourself one hell of a meal!
Entertainment
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Entertainment
Mads Mikkelsen Steals Dogs and Jumps Out of Moving Cars in Unrated New Black Comedy
By Chris Sawin
| Published
The Last Viking has an opening and an ending that feels like a hand-painted fairy tale revolving around a Viking clan where everyone remains equal; young and old, fat and skinny, ugly or beautiful – everyone is treated the same. But one day, during a battle, a young Viking loses one of his arms.
In comparison to everyone else, he feels ugly and less than everyone else. His father, the chieftain, witnessed this and ordered every male in the clan, toddler, adult, or elderly, and everything in between, to chop off one of their arms. Part of it was to help his son feel better, but it was also to keep the clan equal among themselves.
In the present day, Anker (Nikolaj Lie Kaas) has just committed robbery and murdered someone in the process. He takes a duffel bag full of money and locks it in a locker. He instructs his brother, Manfred (Mads Mikkelsen), to swallow the key and retrieve the bag only once everything has died down. He then gives Manfred specific instructions to bury the bag in a designated place near their mother’s house.
Anker is sentenced to 15 years in prison. Once he gets out, Manfred refers to himself as John W. Lennon and has no memory of where he buried the loot. As Manfred is going through something irregular, Anker is forced to help him in some capacity so he can be well enough to remember where the money is.
Life After The Heist
Written and directed by Anders Thomas Jensen (Riders of Justice, Men and Chicken), The Last Viking is a crime drama with some dark comedy thrown in for good measure. Manfred flips out whenever someone still calls him Manfred. He’s been stealing the neighbor’s dogs and stabbing their sister, Freja (Bodil Jorgensen), in the thigh because she didn’t call him John. Manfred also likes to jump out of moving cars, and he threatens to kill himself by shoving a fondue fork in his head. Both he and Anker have terrible tempers, as well.
The film follows Anker as he tries to shake some sense into Manfred. He wants his money so he can get away from his brother forever. Manfred has experienced some sort of severe trauma that has resulted in him having dissociative identity disorder. While we all exist as one identity in one reality, Manfred has several personalities that exist in different realities. They find this out after Manfred is committed to a psych ward.
Manfred’s psychologist, Lothar (Lars Brygmann), who is obsessed with IKEA, believes that, since Manfred believes he is one of The Beatles, he needs to unite with others who share his condition and believe they are the other Beatles. Once united, they can play Beatles songs together and, hopefully, regain some sense of normalcy.
Lothar tracks down a mute who believes he’s Ringo and Anton (Peter During), who has more than 40 personalities, including Bjorn from ABBA, Heinrich Himmler, and Paul McCartney and George Harrison. Anker and Manfred’s mother’s house is now owned by a couple who rent it out as an Airbnb; a former hand model named Margrethe (Sofie Grabol) and her much older husband, Werner (Soren Malling). Werner has been trying to write and illustrate a children’s book for the past five years, but has never finished it.
Lastly, there’s Flemming (Nicolas Bro), the flat owner and maintenance man to the flat Anker, Manfred, and Freja live in. Flemming wants all of the money that Anker has been hiding. He was paid before Anker went to prison, but he spent it all and now wants whatever is left. He basically hunts Anker the entire film and has a nasty streak despite his calm demeanor.
Drama And Trauma With A Side Of Humor
Anders Thomas Jensen makes this eclectic cast of characters feel necessary in the grand scheme of things. The Last Viking may centrally be about Anker and Manfred, but the way the story incorporates everyone else is extraordinary. There is humor in the film, but the drama and trauma keep your interest. Why Manfred decided to change his name and why Anker can’t remember certain things about his past is explained, and it’s devastating.
There’s a broken mentality to every character in the film, but the concept of either feeling less broken or being a bit more whole as a group is explored in The Last Viking. Every question you might have, like how the film’s title factors into the story, is explored to meaningful satisfaction. The one issue is that I wish the humor hit harder. For a film that is so serious, the comedy is extremely subtle and lighthearted. Maybe devoting more of the film to humor would have taken away from the overall story, which is already so well-connected and has a solid conclusion.
The Last Viking is stupidly sentimental and surprisingly sweet. It’s a film about a bunch of individuals who are completely and totally dysfunctional on their own but somewhat functional together.
The Last Viking hits theaters and digital/on-demand on May 29.
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