Entertainment
The Extreme, R-Rated Slasher That Messed Up By Trying To Be A Kid's Movie
By Robert Scucci
| Published
Early 90s slashers are so unhinged that I can’t help but love them. My personal favorite is 1992’s Dr. Giggles because of how committed Larry Drake was to the titular role. Every pre-kill exchange is a cheeky one-liner with some kind of surgical wordplay baked in. It’s the kind of slasher designed to be ridiculous, and you’re not supposed to take it seriously in any capacity. You show up for the body count, the humor, the clever kills, and hope you don’t end up too braindead by the time the credits roll.
1995’s Ice Cream Man follows very similar beats to Dr. Giggles, but makes one fatal mistake: it plays like a young adult movie despite its R rating. Here, we have a killer ice cream man portrayed by Clint Howard, and he carries himself a lot like Dr. Giggles. He’s not all there mentally, he has strange flashbacks tied to the troubled past that led to his present-day rampage, and he does it all while driving around in his ice cream truck abducting children.
The problem is that Dr. Giggles plays like a teen scream that adults can also enjoy. Every protagonist in Ice Cream Man is a child, which means you’re expected to root for them like you would in a kids movie. See the problem? It’s fun watching irresponsible teenagers mess with dark forces and pay the consequences. But when it’s only kids who don’t know better, the humor doesn’t land the same way.
It Starts With A Dog Murder And Gets Worse
Ice Cream Man wastes no time setting up its conflict. We’re introduced to Gregory Tudor (Clint Howard), the local ice cream man. Before handing out treats to neighborhood kids, he was institutionalized at the Wishing Well Sanatorium, where he was subjected to cruel medical experiments. These are vaguely explained at best, but from what I could gather, he had green goo injected into his brain and was fed ice cream to keep him compliant.
With that out of the way, let’s talk about the first murder in Ice Cream Man: his landlord’s dog. He really goes for it here, and it immediately sets the tone. Gregory drives around, and if he has no qualms about killing a dog, then kids should be just as easy. Or so he thinks.
When Gregory abducts Roger (Zachary Benjamin) and Small Paul (Mikey LeBeau), it’s up to Johnny Spodak (Justin Isfeld), Heather Langley (Anndi McAfee), and Tuna Cassera (JoJo Adams), who already suspect their creepy ice cream man is behind the disappearances, to put a stop to him.
Outside of Ice Cream Man’s basic plot, there are a couple things you should know. Gregory makes his own ice cream using body parts from his victims, and his truck doubles as a rolling torture chamber. This is a movie that, as far as I can tell, was meant to appeal to kids.
Is It A Kid’s Movie?
The real trouble I have is figuring out who Ice Cream Man is for. I grew up watching stuff like this all the time, so I’m not generally offended by kids sneaking ridiculous slashers behind their parents’ backs. That’s not the issue. I just don’t understand how this movie was ever supposed to reach its intended audience. It’s rated R and packed with over-the-top gore. It’s perfect for sneaking a watch, but no parent in their right mind is seeking this out for their kids.
What’s even more perplexing is that all the young adult beats are there. The adults are incompetent, and it’s up to the kids to take matters into their own hands. You’re supposed to root for them, but they have no charisma and just go through the motions. They even hop on their bikes to do their sleuthing, and I found myself chuckling while humming the Stranger Things theme every time.
I’m not sure if this was intentional or just a byproduct of the premise and production, but most of Ice Cream Man’s humor comes from how emotionally detached everyone feels. They’re just flatly reading their lines. If that was deliberate, it works. I laughed at the rising body count while the cops casually buy ice cream from the guy they’re pretty sure is responsible for the murders.
Even Gregory, running around with heads on a stick, delivers his lines like he’s reading off a cue card. The whole experience is surreal, and definitely something I’d throw on again around Halloween for the fun of it. When my kids are old enough for slashers, I’ll make them endure it, but only as a primer for the far superior Dr. Giggles.
Ice Cream Man is currently streaming for free on Tubi.
Entertainment
Get Ankers 14-in-1 Thunderbolt 5 Dock for $60 less at Amazon
SAVE 15%: As of April 22, you can get the Anker Prime 14-in-1 Thunderbolt 5 Dock for $339.99, down from $399.99, at Amazon. That’s a 15% discount or $60 savings.
$339.99
at Amazon
$399.99
Save $60
Working off a laptop is great until you realize you only have two ports and need to plug something in. If you’re hooked up to an external monitor, keyboard, and mouse, you’re pretty much out of luck on the rest. Not only that, but your previously uncluttered desk will most likely look like a Best Buy exploded (a rat’s nest of cords isn’t cute or helpful for anyone getting work done).
If you literally hate mess and cords as much as I do, you need a docking station to hide all that chaos and protect your aesthetic. Right now, Anker’s Prime TB5 Docking Station is on sale for $339.99 at Amazon, down from $399.99. (That’s a $60 price cut.)
Mashable Deals
Are you going to use all 14 ports at the exact same time? Probably not, but you’ll never have to dig through your bag for a specific adapter again. You just plug a single cable into your laptop, and the dock handles the rest. It features a Thunderbolt 5 upstream port, two Thunderbolt 5 downstream ports, two USB-C ports, three USB-A ports, SD and TF card readers, a 2.5Gbps Ethernet port, an audio jack, and your choice of HDMI 2.1 or DisplayPort 2.1. It’s also fast enough to transfer a 150GB file in 25 seconds.
Entertainment
How I scored ad-free Paramount+ Premium for only 99 cents
SAVE $26: As of April 22, returning subscribers can score two months of ad-free Paramount+ Premium for only 99 cents per month with the code N8C27L. Usually $13.99 per month, that’s $26 in savings. Just note that your mileage may vary.
$0.99/month for 2 months (save $13/month) with code N8C27L
If you’re looking to save some money on your streaming lineup, my number one recommendation is to cancel your subscriptions. While it doesn’t work for every streamer, many will offer you a special discount to come back. Not to mention, you’ll be eligible for any new deals that may appear that are marketed to “new and returning customers.” Case in point: as of April 22, returning subscribers can get two months of ad-free Paramount+ Premium for just 99 cents per month.
I’ve tested this out myself, so I can vouch for it. When you navigate to Paramount+ and sign in to your existing account, you’ll be prompted to pick a plan. Select the Paramount+ Premium monthly plan for $13.99 per month. On the “Welcome back!” page, scroll down to the box that says “Have a promo code?” and enter N8C27L. Once you hit “apply” the price should drop to just 99 cents per month.
Credit: Paramount+
That’s all, folks. You can take advantage of two full months of ad-free Paramount+, Showtime, BET, CBS, Comedy Central, MTV, Nickelodeon, CBS live TV, UFC fights, and more for less than two bucks. That’s $26 total in savings.
Mashable Deals
Paramount+ has a surprisingly hefty library. Subscribers can enjoy Paramount+ Originals like Landman and RuPaul Drag Race All Stars, Showtime series like Dexter Resurrection and Yellowjackets, CBS hits like Survivor and NCIS, and nostalgic shows from Nickelodeon and MTV. Not to mention, there’s a lineup of movies that’ll keep you fully entertained for your two-month promotional period. Just be sure to cancel again before the second month is over if you want to avoid paying full cost. You can always sign up again when another deal arises. I know I will.
Entertainment
How Stargate SG-1 Used A Classic Trope To Emotionally Wreck Its Fans
By Jonathan Klotz
| Published
Garfield and Friends said it best: “Oh no, we’ve resorted to an evil twin storyline.” Star Trek: The Original Series did it the best with Mirror Universe Spock, and ever since, it’s been a lazy excuse for every series to use when they run out of ideas. The exception is Stargate SG-1’s sixth episode, “Cold Lazarus,” which plays with the trope by making the twin less evil and more confused.
When fans say they skip this episode when rewatching, it’s not because it’s a lazy, poorly written episode. In fact, it’s the opposite. The ending of “Cold Lazarus” is a pivotal character moment for Jack O’Neill (Richard Dean Anderson) and a gut punch to the audience.
Stargate SG-1’s First Evil Twin
“Cold Lazarus” opens with the SG-1 team on a planet that doesn’t look like Vancouver (it was a giant pile of sulfur at the port of Vancouver). The desert landscape is dotted with shattered blue crystals that look like the remnants of a civilization until we see a crystal eye-view of O’Neill, a mysterious light knocks him out, and all of a sudden, a second O’Neill is looking down at the first. Turns out, the crystals are the civilization.
Fake O’Neill is trying to figure out who O’Neill is and what SGC is all about. When he pulls out photos of his family, it takes Samantha Carter (Amanda Tapping) by surprise. O’Neill’s never mentioned his wife, Sara, or his son, Charlie. Confused, the Fake O’Neill goes to the home, where Sara is disgusted he’d come by and thinks it’s a sick joke that he’s asking about Charlie. If you’re wondering if you missed a key part of O’Neill’s backstory, don’t worry, this is the first time that either Sara or Charlie is mentioned, and tragically, we soon learn why.
No One Ever Dies
Charlie shot himself with O’Neill’s gun. Fake O’Neill starts to piece this together when he goes into Charlie’s old room and breaks down, prompting Sara and him to finally have the conversation about their shared grief. Back in SGC, the crystal’s nature is revealed to be an energy alien calling itself Unity, which accidentally killed a Jaffa, and the Goa’uld shattered them in retribution. That’s when O’Neill stumbles back through the Stargate, and the team realizes the mistake they made.
The Fake O’Neill is soon captured at a local hospital, suffering from Earth’s radiation, where he explains that he sensed O’Neill’s pain after he took his form and wanted to help ease the suffering, as nothing ever truly dies to Unity. To prove its point, Unity transforms into Charlie, giving O’Neill and Sara one last chance to see their child. Fans who haven’t lost a child can understand the emotion, but for fans who have, this scene is emotional torture, in the best way possible.
Jack knows this isn’t Charlie, but he talks to him like he is, and then they walk together through the Stargate back to Unity’s planet. It’s a beautiful moment that explains so much about O’Neill’s throwing himself into work and how even his friendships remain professional. “Cold Lazarus” may have started out with the “evil twin” trope in full effect, but the ending is proof that even early during its run, Stargate SG-1 was going to be the greatest.
Get Ankers 14-in-1 Thunderbolt 5 Dock for $60 less at Amazon
NHL scores highest TV ratings in 14 seasons
