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Starfleet Academy Accidentally Recreated The Worst Part Of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published

When it comes to NuTrek, a common refrain from critics (myself included) is that Star Trek no longer feels like it did back in the golden days of shows like Deep Space Nine. However, a recent episode of Starfleet Academy, “Series Acclimation Mil,” proved that we cynics should be careful what we wish for. That’s because it recreated by accident the worst part of Deep Space Nine: combining an important, character-centric A Plot with one of the stupidest B Plots ever written.

First, a little context: back during the Golden Age of Star Trek, the writers generally included two main stories in any given episode. The most important story was designated the A Plot, while the less important story was designated the B Plot. This storytelling structure generally worked because it gave more of the ensemble cast something to do while giving viewers an additional story, one they might very well find more enjoyable than the main plot.

That Face When You See A Mistmatched B Plot

However, this storytelling method falls apart when the A Plot and the B Plot are completely mismatched, resulting in an episode that feels weirdly disjointed. Deep Space Nine had plenty of examples of this: in “Life Support,” the A Plot about Bashir’s attempt to revive one of Bajor’s most important spiritual leaders after his death is paired with a B Plot where Jake has to explain to Nog that he’s scaring the hoes with his constant Ferengi misogyny.

In “A Call To Arms,” the A Plot is the long-awaited invasion of the Dominion. The B Plot is about Rom and Leeta’s cringe-inducing, Casablanca-quoting wedding.

For me, the most mismatched Deep Space Nine episode of all time is “Doctor Bashir, I Presume?,” whose A Plot focuses on the revelation that Dr. Bashir is estranged from his parents because they “fixed” him with genetic engineering at a young age. It’s a powerfully moving episode about family trauma that completely changes our understanding of the main character. Unfortunately, it’s also an episode where the guy who created the Emergency Medical Hologram is desperate to get laid, and he’s set his sights on Leeta, who is written to be almost comically stupid.

Star Trek’s Most Ambitious New A Plot

So, what does all of this have to do with Starfleet Academy? The recent episode “Series Acclimation Mil” had an ambitious A plot about cadet SAM investigating Sisko’s final fate; her research helps her (and viewers) learn more about Sisko’s accomplishments, his personality, and the titanic legacy he left behind. Along the way, we get cameos from big names like Jake Sisko and the latest incarnation of Dax, all while SAM learns more about what it means to be an emissary from her holographic homeworld to the Federation.

Unfortunately (and somewhat inexplicably), it’s paired with a B plot about Chancellor Ake trying to help Commander Nelrec prepare to host a visiting dignitary. To do this, she throws a rehearsal dinner, which is mostly an excuse for everyone but Nelrec to crack bizarre jokes and engage in prop comedy (no, really). The climax to this scene is a fish suddenly deflating, and the three other officers (who have about 1500 years of combined wisdom between them all) start uncontrollably laughing about the fish making prolonged farting noises.

Shaka, When The Rest Of The Episode Is Silly

It’s wildly unfunny and almost distractingly weird, but the bonkers B Plot is of a piece with the rest of the episode. After all, in between hugely important lore drops about Sisko, we’ve got cadets vomiting glitter and the ship’s digital dean making jokes about morning wood. As a viewer who was more or less enjoying all of the Sisko-related fan service, I was a bit shocked that the episode kept dipping into humor that would be more in line with a show like Beavis and Butt-Head.

However, in a bit of almost certainly unintentional irony, “Series Acclimation Mill” managed to honor the worst part of Deep Space Nine, and that’s pairing a powerful A Plot with the stupidest B Plot the writers could come up with. This makes for frustrating storytelling, of course, but this practice was absolutely rampant during the Golden Age of Star Trek. Starfleet Academy has now proven it knows how to do what DS9 did so poorly; with any luck, these newer writers will eventually be able to channel what DS9 did so well, which was to tell great stories without the absolutely embarrassing crutch of d*ck and fart jokes.


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Grandma Anne’s Secret Jell-O

Grandma Anne's Secret Jell-O

I love making food that people appreciate — the kind of meal that makes the whole table go quiet at the first bite. But you know what I kind of love more? Making food that makes the whole table shriek like kids chasing the ice-cream truck.

So, when I happened upon a “secret Jell-O” recipe in chef Hillary Sterling’s new cookbook, Ammazza! — titled for the Roman slang term, which roughly translates to “wowee!” — I knew I had to share.

“This was the defining treat of my childhood,” explains Hillary. Growing up, her Grandma Anne always kept a bowl of Jell-O in the fridge. “She added halved grapes, and they’d hover in the middle while it ‘jellified.’ It tasted so cool, refreshing, and delicious.” As adults, Hillary and her sister tried to replicate it, but never managed to get the taste just right. That’s when their grandpa clued them in to Grandma Anne’s secret ingredient: sweet liqueur. “Turns out, our favorite childhood dessert was one part Grandma, one part frat party.”

Hillary’s own adaptation is a little more cocktail-party than frat, but just as festive: a ruby-red confection, studded with plums and served in a champagne coupe. Plus, it’s incredibly simple, with less than 10 minutes of active cooking time. And while I’ll give Grandma Anne the benefit of the doubt, and say she probably wasn’t trying to inebriate her grandchildren, this recipe has almost a shot’s worth of brandy per serving (wowee, indeed!). So, let’s maybe keep it at the grown-ups table.

Grandma Anne’s Secret Jell-O
from Ammazza! by Hillary Sterling
Serves 4

1/2 cup (115 g) prunes*
3/4 cup (180 ml) brandy
1 85-gram package cherry gelatin

*It’s true, prunes are dried plums. Here, they’re essentially rehydrated in the cooking process.

In a small pot, combine the prunes and 1/2 cup (120 ml) of the brandy. Bring to a boil, then turn the heat low, and cook until the prunes absorb all the liquid (about 5 minutes). Set aside. In a separate small saucepan, bring 1 cup (240 ml) of water to a boil. Place the gelatin in a heatproof bowl, then pour the hot water over it, whisking until fully dissolved (about 2 minutes). Stir in the remaining 1/4 cup (60 ml) of brandy and 1 cup (240 ml) of cold water.

Divide half of the gelatin mixture evenly among four glasses, filling them about halfway. (“This is the time to break out your heirloom wine glasses or champagne coupes,” says Hillary. “Style and presentation meant everything to my grandmother.”) Arrange the glasses on a small sheet pan for stability. Refrigerate, uncovered, until just set (about 1 hour).

Finally, divide the steeped prunes evenly among the glasses, gently placing them on top of the set layer. Top each glass with the remaining gelatin — the fruit will “float” as it sets. Cover and refrigerate until firm but still jiggly (about 1 hour more). Serve, and enjoy!

ammazza cookbook

Thank you so much, Hillary! And congratulations on your beautiful cookbook.

P.S. More fun party recipes, including a chaotic pavlova and a pasta cake.

(Photos by Kelly Puleio. Excerpted with permission from Ammazza!, on sale now from Scribner, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. Copyright © 2026 by Hillary Sterling)

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The Bradley Cooper Horror Movie That Will Break Your Brain

By Sean Thiessen
| Published

What do you get when you cross Bradley Cooper with a Clive Barker horror story? The answer: 2008’s gory cult classic The Midnight Meat Train. Though a slashed theatrical release buried the film, this disturbing bloodbath has finally been unearthed on Tubi.

Riding The Rails Has Never Been More Dangerous

Bradley Cooper leads The Midnight Meat Train as Leon Kaufman, a photographer keen on capturing the grit of city life. After his portfolio is rejected by a high-profile gallery owner for being too safe, Leon ventures out in search of danger. Spoiler alert: he finds it.

The Midnight Meat Train 2008

Leon captures a brutal act of violence on a subway and becomes obsessed with tracking down a serial killer who has been enacting carnage on the late-night train for years. Leon spirals down a tunnel of mystery that slowly unravels a conspiracy that goes all the way to the bottom. He struggles to gain the support of the police and even his own girlfriend, portrayed by actress Leslie Bibb. The Midnight Meat Train speeds toward a sinister conclusion that is a must-see for horror fans.

This Bradley Cooper film is unlike any other. The Midnight Meat Train was adapted from Barker’s short story by Pet Sematary (2019) screenwriter Jeff Buhler and directed by Japanese filmmaker Ryûhei Kitamura. The result is a dark, tense, and revolting horror mystery, complete with the hyper-stylized sensibilities of 2008.

The Midnight Meat Train 2008

The film was originally set as the feature directorial debut of Patrick Tatopoulos, a special effects wizard and production designer who cut his teeth on movies like Independence Day, I, Robot, and Underworld. It was scheduled to shoot in New York City in 2005.

Tatopoulos was replaced by Kitamura and, in an effort to cut costs, Bradley Cooper and the rest of the gang shot The Midnight Meat Train in the Los Angeles metro system. Production finally began in the spring of 2007.

The Midnight Meat Train 2008

Lionsgate distributed the film but only opened the movie in the secondary theatrical market, limiting the release to about 100 screens. It was then quickly released on DVD, much to the filmmakers’ dismay. Clive Barker openly criticized Lionsgate’s Joe Drake for burying other films in order to venerate The Strangers, for which Drake was a producer.

Critics twho saw The Midnight Meat Train generally liked it, praising the acting from Bradley Cooper, Leslie Bibb, Vinnie Jones, and the rest of the cast. The film carries a 70 percent critical score on Rotten Tomatoes on the consensus that it delivers the thrills, scares, and gore its target audience seeks.

Bradley Cooper’s Career Took Off After Midnight Meat Train

The Midnight Meat Train 2008

Bradley Cooper jumped from Midnight Meat Train into the following year’s breakout hit The Hangover. That film launched Cooper from a solid supporting actor to a bankable leading man. The Hangover spawned a lucrative trilogy of comedies that provided a steady stream for Cooper as he expanded to dramatic horizons. 

Cooper has since led an exciting and successful career as an actor, director, and producer. His performance in 2012’s Silver Linings Playbook earned the actor his first Oscar nomination, which he followed up with nominations for his work in American Hustle, American Sniper, and A Star is Born. As a producer, his films Joker, A Star is Born, American Sniper, and Nightmare Alley were nominated for Best Picture.

The Midnight Meat Train 2008

Bradley Cooper’s horror background with Midnight Meat Train paired with the gnarly sensibilities of director James Gunn to bring about Rocket Raccoon in the Guardians of the Galaxy trilogy. The character may be Cooper’s most iconic, but it is easy to forget that such a high-profile actor lurks beneath the CGI surface of the lovable a-hole.

The evolution of Cooper’s career is a fascinating one, and The Midnight Meat Train is an important piece of the puzzle. It stands out among his list of comedies, dramas, and action films, and the film’s troubled release leaves it begging for rediscovery.

Now, nearly 20 years after its release, fans of Bradley Cooper can head on over to Tubi and ride The Midnight Meat Train all the way to the end of the bloody line.


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R-Rated, Netflix Original Action Thriller Is A Violent, High-Stakes Protection Job

By Robert Scucci
| Published

One unfortunate reality about most action movies is that the person who needs a bodyguard the most is often the most annoying, insufferable person you could ever encounter. 2019’s Close is no exception, but we eventually learn that the spoiled heiress in question can’t help being totally clueless about how the world works or how people operate. In this case, it leads to a satisfying character arc because our clueless damsel in distress eventually decides to take control of her situation with the help of one of the most badass hired guns money can buy.

Your Typical Protection Job

The dynamic in Close is about as simple as it gets when we’re introduced to Zoe Tanner (Sophie Nélisse), the spoiled heiress of Hassine Mining. Zoe’s stepmother, Rima Hassine (Indira Varma), is horrified to learn that her late husband, Zoe’s father Eric Hassine, left all his shares in the company to his daughter, causing immediate tension within the family. Rima, the acting CEO of Hassine, a company founded by her family, asks Zoe to tag along on a trip to Morocco, where she intends to close a billion-dollar mining deal.

Close 2019

Now that we have the brat out of the way, we can talk about Sam (Noomi Rapace), the close protection officer hired to keep an eye on Zoe at the fortified family compound while Rima is out handling business. As you would expect in a movie like Close, the house is raided by armed intruders, and Sam has to not only win Zoe’s trust, but also figure out who sent these hired goons to the private residence to shake things up.

Rima’s business dealings begin to go south during this all-guns-blazing odyssey because her daughter has been reported missing by every news media outlet, and she’s implicated in the murder of a police officer, causing Hassine Mining’s share prices to plummet. There are plenty of shots of Rima sitting in an empty boardroom looking at market reports involving her mining company and Sikong, the mining company competing with it to drive this point home.

Close 2019

Since global market reports typically involve more than two companies in the real world, it’s reasonable to believe that the board members of Sikong have something to do with Zoe’s abduction and the events that transpire shortly thereafter. Or maybe, perhaps, this is Rima’s way of reclaiming the company that she believes she deserves full ownership in. It’s one of those things that happens in modern movies because people are only half paying attention, so really obvious visual cues are pretty much a requirement.

Good Gunplay With A Forced Girl Power Arc

Like most action thrillers released exclusively by Netflix, Close has the same flat lighting and muted color grading you’ve seen a hundred times before. Generic visuals notwithstanding, the action sequences are tight, controlled, and grounded enough to make you want to stick around. They’re not so over-the-top that you have to suspend an insane amount of disbelief, and the overall conflict is simple enough to sink your teeth into on an intellectual level. 

Close 2019

Within this framework, I actually liked the chemistry between Sam and Zoe, which is adversarial at first, naturally, but warms up once they spend some time together. What works really well is how Sam treats this whole thing like a job because, to her, that’s all it is, which humbles Zoe on more than one occasion. Sometimes, all a spoiled brat with no real concept of how the world works needs to hear is, “I don’t care about you, this is just work,” in order to be truly put in her place. I liked this dynamic a lot, but also understood that whatever character development happens here eventually has to move beyond that initial setup because the movie needs somewhere to go.

What really pissed me off, however, was the third-act moment when Zoe stops Sam and asks why she never told her about her estranged daughter. It’s a weird, entitled “we’re supposed to be besties who tell each other everything” moment that comes out of nowhere and makes no sense.

Close 2019

At this point in the film, Sam comes off as a hardened veteran who’s seen some things. Her ability to size up a room and plan alternate escape routes on the fly is beyond impressive, and she’s able to adapt to every scenario with barely a moment’s notice. She straight up told Zoe earlier that this is a professional relationship, and even though their dynamic changes throughout the film, it’s reasonable to assume Sam rightfully has qualms about telling some trust fund baby she barely knows about the child she put up for adoption when she was 16.

The movie doesn’t benefit from exchanges like this, but it’s certainly made worse by them. On one hand, I get it. Zoe is a rich kid who’s had basically no parental supervision her entire life, and she’s trying to make a human connection during an extremely heightened situation. But maybe you shouldn’t ask personally invasive, potentially upsetting questions to the person hired to protect you, especially when you’re caught in the middle of a hail of gunfire. I’m no bodyguard, but I believe the better approach is: survive now, chat about missed, life-altering opportunities later.

Close 2019

Close is just another girl power John Wick kind of thing, and after a while they all start to blend together. So do the male-driven ones, relax. If you want something similar but better, you can stream Gunpowder Milkshake on Netflix or Atomic Blonde on Hulu. If you eventually want to see them all, though, you’ll probably circle back around to Close, which is currently streaming on Netflix.


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