By Robert Scucci
| Published 1 hour ago

Labyrinth, or I as I like to call it, Dances with Muppets, is currently streaming on Tubi, and I felt like I was long overdue to watch the musical fantasy that’s endlessly exciting to look at, but actually kind of boring once you consider what’s at stake. Fantasy adventures don’t need much to grab your attention outside of their production values, but one element that’s absolutely necessary to make any premise work, that I feel is absent from Labyrinth, is that the protagonist has to seem like they want to be there… you know, on the adventure of a freakin’ lifetime. 

David Bowie knew what was up when he signed on to portray Jareth, the king of the goblins, and he’s got the grooves and moves to prove it. But I can’t say the same for Jennifer Connelly’s Sarah Williams, who so unenthusiastically works her way through the titular fantasy realm that you wonder if she even wants to save her little half-brother for noble reasons, or if she’s just afraid of getting in trouble with her parents for inadvertently banishing her infant brother to be kidnapped by goblins. 

This Happens, And Then This Happens, And Then … 

The strongest character in Labyrinth is the actual scenery itself because there’s so much personality in every single frame, which makes it crystal clear just how much thought and care was put into the set and character design in this light-hearted and delightfully weird Jim Henson picture.

However, for every stunning establishing shot and incredibly detailed set-piece, we’re met with Sarah, who doesn’t seem to realize the seriousness of what she had done to get her whisked away to Jareth’s labyrinth in the first place. 

Here’s the short version of what happens across 101 minutes: 

Sarah is mad that she has to babysit her half-brother, Toby (Toby Froud), and this aggravation is made all the more apparent when she learns that he gained hold of her beloved teddy bear, Lancelot. 

Sarah Wishes that Toby would be taken away by goblins. Toby is taken away by goblins. Jareth, the king of the goblins, whisks Sarah away to his mystical land, and tells her that she has 13 hours to solve his labyrinth, or Toby will be turned into a goblin.

Along the way, Sarah meets interesting puppet characters, like a deceptive and morally dubious dwarf named Hoggle (Brian Henson), a large beast named Ludo (Ron Mueck), a fox terrier named Sir Didymus (David Shaughnessy), and his dog, Ambrosius (Percy Edwards), who all help her along the way while Jareth tries to manipulate Hoggle into leading Sarah down the wrong path so she isn’t successful in her retrieval of Toby. 

That’s it. That’s the entire plot of Labyrinth.

Jareth Has Style, But He’s Hardly A Threatening Antagonist

David Bowie clearly had a lot of fun working in Labyrinth with his portrayal of Jareth, but he’s missing that certain X factor that makes him a true villain. Sure, he basically kidnapped Toby, but isn’t that pretty much what Sarah asked for? In my mind, this is hardly an indictment of his character, because he simply showed up when he was asked to. 

While I give Jareth all the credit in the world for using his labyrinth against Sarah and Hoggle in the form of perpetually flatulent bog water, hallucinogen-infused peaches, and the epic third-act sequence involving Toby crawling aimlessly along a chamber full of M.C. Escher stairs, I never once felt like Jareth was an actual threat. 

I mean, he’s kind of menacing because he’s friendly and jovial when telling Sarah what’s at stake, which is a nice contrast to the bedlam that’s actually playing out in his labyrinth, but I’ll always wonder how much better this movie would be if Bowie was just a little more cynical, maniacal, and aggressive in his delivery. I fully understand that we’re watching a movie that’s rated PG, but if Watership Down is allowed to traumatize a generation of children while boasting the same MPAA rating, all I’m saying is that Labyrinth could have gone way harder in its attempts to scare the bejesus out of its primary demographic. 

Streaming Labyrinth On Tubi

Labyrinth is absolutely worth a watch, but I think it would have been a much more memorable film if it had the potential to be a little more frightening, and approached a little more passionately by its primary protagonist, Sarah. But for what it’s worth, David Bowie, in his full Jareth garb that makes him look like he dressed up as a pirate on his way to a Flock of Seagulls audition while belting out “Magic Dance” with verve and enthusiasm, will always have me coming back for more because of how committed to the role he was – even if I felt like his character was hardly a menace at all.  

As of this writing, you can stream Labyrinth for free on Tubi.