Entertainment
This Male Fantasy Is Less Likely To Happen Than Your Wife Giving You A Hall Pass
By Robert Scucci
| Published
Every man on Earth has one ridiculous fantasy that he clings to because the possibility of it ever happening gives him something to live for. Dane Cook insists every guy wants to be involved in an elaborate heist. The Farrelly Brothers’ Hall Pass suggests every man wants to stay faithfully married to his wife, but would love to sleep with other women if only his better half would allow it.
Both of these scenarios are so far-fetched that they will probably never happen. If they do, you’re likely ending up in jail or divorce court, and for good reason.
The most egregious male fantasy, however, involves raining hate on a barista because all you want is a simple cup of black coffee and they refuse to sell it to you.
In this fantasy, which I call the coffee con, the conversation escalates until people either scream or come to blows because they just want coffee with a capital C. The barista is convinced they should try something new and refuses to take no for an answer.
Denis Leary famously ranted about how hard it is to get a cup of coffee flavored coffee. Tom Segura had a similar bit in his Completely Normal special, along with an epic showdown on his Netflix series Bad Thoughts. Sam Loudermilk leans into the same setup with his cashier, and even Dennis Reynolds from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia has his moment trying to order a tea without any boba in it.
The result is always the same. A middle-aged dude complaining about how everything sucks now because he can’t get his bold-roasted cup of bean water.
The Coffee Con
The coffee con is the ultimate male fantasy, and I’m here to dismantle it because I am a black coffee drinker. Hot, iced, cold brew, it doesn’t matter. I have never once run into this problem.
I order my coffee. It’s poured into a cup. I pay the cashier. I leave and become a jittery mess.
I am a faulty organic machine that converts Frappuccinos into debilitating, clear-my-afternoon levels of digestive distress, so I avoid the fancy drinks at all costs even though they’re delicious. Not only has a barista never refused to sell me black coffee, the easiest beverage to make on the entire menu, the idea that they would is preposterous.
Having worked at an extremely busy convention center café, I never once stared cockeyed at somebody for wanting the simplest thing on the menu. Here’s a trade secret you may not know: baristas don’t work on commission.
It doesn’t matter if they’re pouring black coffee into a cup or juggling an espresso machine, blender, syrup pumps, and milk frother all at once. They make the same amount of money either way.
It’s simple math, and nowhere in their employee handbook does it say they have to act like this.
Denis Leary’s Straw Man Rant, And What’s Really At Play Here
Famous joke thief Denis Leary epically rants about the coffee con in his 1997 stand-up special, Lock ‘N Load. In the eight-minute bit that begins with “Is it impossible to get a cup of coffee-flavored coffee anymore in this country?”, he launches into everything wrong with the modern world.
I don’t think coffee is the primary focus of his rage.
Coffee is just the catalyst. If you read between the lines, there is something much sadder going on. He’s upset about the new guard pushing his generation toward irrelevance, one mochaccino, chocaccino, frappuccino, cappuccino, rapaccinio, and alpaccino at a time.
Leary’s true colors show during a side rant about his trip to 7-Eleven. He goes to great lengths describing the clerk as an over-tattooed, under-educated, tongue-pierced, dressed-like-a-gangster Gen X burnout who is somehow keeping him from his precious black coffee when he’s not huffing paint and drooling on himself. He mocks gang signs, makes a Wu-Tang reference that was already dated in 1997, and demolishes this fictional villain who is just trying to do his job.
The entire bit is a straw man argument. The 7-Eleven employee sounds like the biggest idiot on the planet when the far more likely explanation is that Leary filled his own cup with the wrong flavor, which finished with a hint of maple syrup, and was mad at himself because he forgot his grandpa glasses when looking at the self-serve carafes.
Is Denis Leary really mad about coffee? Or is he mad that the times are changing and blaming it on the youth he encounters?
Black coffee is a staple beverage at every café, truck stop, and diner in America. The only real change is that there are more ways to drink coffee now than ever before. Leary’s got the same energy as the crotchety university professor explaining to students that Vinyl LPs are “those big black things we used to listen to music on.” It’s the same attitude that criticizes kids for not learning cursive even though they had no say in how the curriculum was structured.
It’s Not The Kids’ Fault
Meanwhile, on planet Earth in the year 2026, you can walk into almost any café and order black coffee without pushback. I used to be a caffeine junkie back in college (I still am, but I used to be too!). It got so bad that, like a problem drinker, I strategically planned my day around entering different coffee shops at different times so I didn’t look like somebody who needed an intervention.
I knew when the shifts changed. Like a chain smoker lighting the next cigarette with the still-smoldering corpse of the previous one, I was mainlining offensive amounts of coffee into my body. Even then, the most egregious exchange I ever experienced was the barista asking one simple question: “Would you like room for milk?”
The more insidious problem that the coffee con reveals is that guys aged anywhere from 35 to death are afraid of how the times are changing. Their sacred preferences are being undermined by the next generation, waiting to take their place, and that scares the crap out of them. Or, as a 37-year-old, I should say, us.
Dennis Reynolds’ tea shop meltdown in “Dennis Takes a Mental Health Day” sums this up perfectly. He’s not angry because he can’t get a simple cup of herbal tea. He’s angry because the place doesn’t take cash, requires an app that tracks his consumption habits, and the employee standing in front of him can’t process the transaction without technological help because “the system won’t allow it.”
The fear of aging out is real, and everybody copes with it differently. Dennis is right to be distressed, but it’s not the tea place’s fault.
Men of a certain age distill that rage into the cup of coffee they want but assure you they can’t have anymore. In Loudermilk, when our hero runs into the same situation, he mocks the barista’s vocal fry. It’s hilarious because nobody should talk like that unless they have a medical condition. But it’s also telling because he’s not actually mad, he’s afraid.
Tom Segura takes it even further, going on a murder spree when too much milk is added to his iced coffee despite requesting light milk, resulting in a sequence of cinematic violence worthy of a John Wick movie. If anything, he’s riding the hate train against poor customer service, but coffee is still the fuel that keeps his anger firing on all cylinders.
A False Equivalency At Play
In all of these coffee con examples, front-line employees are belittled because their customer refuses to become a relic of the past. They just want good old-fashioned coffee, and nothing makes sense to them anymore.
They’re the Boomers who “don’t do email” and get replaced by three interns, and the Millennials who think AI is coming for their jobs, but refuse to learn the new tech, rendering them obsolete. It’s the same anxiety no matter how old you are, and the coffee con is the most distilled and aromatic way to express it.
But I assure you, and this is important, that the classics never die.
Thirty, forty, or even one hundred years from now, when society collapses for reasons of our own doing, you will still probably be able to get a cup of black coffee.
I promise you it’s going to be okay.
Entertainment
Hurdle hints and answers for March 13, 2026
If you like playing daily word games like Wordle, then Hurdle is a great game to add to your routine.
There are five rounds to the game. The first round sees you trying to guess the word, with correct, misplaced, and incorrect letters shown in each guess. If you guess the correct answer, it’ll take you to the next hurdle, providing the answer to the last hurdle as your first guess. This can give you several clues or none, depending on the words. For the final hurdle, every correct answer from previous hurdles is shown, with correct and misplaced letters clearly shown.
An important note is that the number of times a letter is highlighted from previous guesses does necessarily indicate the number of times that letter appears in the final hurdle.
If you find yourself stuck at any step of today’s Hurdle, don’t worry! We have you covered.
Hurdle Word 1 hint
A juicy fruit.
Hurdle Word 1 answer
PEACH
Hurdle Word 2 hint
Never gives.
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Hurdle Word 2 Answer
TAKER
Hurdle Word 3 hint
A glimmer.
Hurdle Word 3 answer
GLINT
Hurdle Word 4 hint
To sock.
Hurdle Word 4 answer
PUNCH
Final Hurdle hint
To empty out.
Hurdle Word 5 answer
DRAIN
If you’re looking for more puzzles, Mashable’s got games now! Check out our games hub for Mahjong, Sudoku, free crossword, and more.
Entertainment
NYT Connections Sports Edition today: Hints and answers for March 13, 2026
Today’s Connections: Sports Edition is easy for fans of the Big East.
As we’ve shared in previous hints stories, this is a version of the popular New York Times word game that seeks to test the knowledge of sports fans.
Like the original Connections, the game is all about finding the “common threads between words.” And just like Wordle, Connections resets after midnight and each new set of words gets trickier and trickier — so we’ve served up some hints and tips to get you over the hurdle.
If you just want to be told today’s puzzle, you can jump to the end of this article for the latest Connections solution. But if you’d rather solve it yourself, keep reading for some clues, tips, and strategies to assist you.
What is Connections: Sports Edition?
The NYT‘s latest daily word game has launched in association with The Athletic, the New York Times property that provides the publication’s sports coverage. Connections can be played on both web browsers and mobile devices and require players to group four words that share something in common.
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Each puzzle features 16 words and each grouping of words is split into four categories. These sets could comprise of anything from book titles, software, country names, etc. Even though multiple words will seem like they fit together, there’s only one correct answer.
If a player gets all four words in a set correct, those words are removed from the board. Guess wrong and it counts as a mistake — players get up to four mistakes until the game ends.
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Players can also rearrange and shuffle the board to make spotting connections easier. Additionally, each group is color-coded with yellow being the easiest, followed by green, blue, and purple. Like Wordle, you can share the results with your friends on social media.
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Here’s a hint for today’s Connections: Sports Edition categories
Want a hint about the categories without being told the categories? Then give these a try:
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Yellow: Hang the banner
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Green: Big East
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Blue: Food analogies
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Purple: Famous Tims
Here are today’s Connections: Sports Edition categories
Need a little extra help? Today’s connections fall into the following categories:
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Yellow: Things Fans Hang on Their Walls
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Green: A Big East Athlete
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Blue: Food, But Make It Baseball
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Purple: Tims
Looking for Wordle today? Here’s the answer to today’s Wordle.
Ready for the answers? This is your last chance to turn back and solve today’s puzzle before we reveal the solutions.
Drumroll, please!
The solution to today’s Connections: Sports Edition #536 is…
What is the answer to Connections: Sports Edition today?
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Things Fans Hang on Their Walls – BANNER, FLAG, PENNANT, POSTER
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A Big East Athlete – FRIAR, HOYA, HUSKY, PIRATE
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Food, But Make It Baseball – CAN OF CORN, MEATBALL, PICKLE, TATER
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Tims – DUNCAN, RAINES, SALMON, TEBOW
Don’t feel down if you didn’t manage to guess it this time. There will be new sports Connections for you to stretch your brain with tomorrow, and we’ll be back again to guide you with more helpful hints.
Are you also playing NYT Strands? See hints and answers for today’s Strands.
If you’re looking for more puzzles, Mashable’s got games now! Check out our games hub for Mahjong, Sudoku, free crossword, and more.
Not the day you’re after? Here’s the solution to yesterday’s Connections.
Entertainment
NYT Pips hints, answers for March 13, 2026
Welcome to your guide to Pips, the latest game in the New York Times catalogue.
Released in August 2025, the Pips puts a unique spin on dominoes, creating a fun single-player experience that could become your next daily gaming habit.
Currently, if you’re stuck, the game only offers to reveal the entire puzzle, forcing you to move onto the next difficulty level and start over. However, we have you covered! Below are piecemeal answers that will serve as hints so that you can find your way through each difficulty level.
How to play Pips
If you’ve ever played dominoes, you’ll have a passing familiarity for how Pips is played. As we’ve shared in our previous hints stories for Pips, the tiles, like dominoes, are placed vertically or horizontally and connect with each other. The main difference between a traditional game of dominoes and Pips is the color-coded conditions you have to address. The touching tiles don’t necessarily have to match.
The conditions you have to meet are specific to the color-coded spaces. For example, if it provides a single number, every side of a tile in that space must add up to the number provided. It is possible – and common – for only half a tile to be within a color-coded space.
Here are common examples you’ll run into across the difficulty levels:
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Number: All the pips in this space must add up to the number.
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Equal: Every domino half in this space must be the same number of pips.
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Not Equal: Every domino half in this space must have a completely different number of pips.
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Less than: Every domino half in this space must add up to less than the number.
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Greater than: Every domino half in this space must add up to more than the number.
If an area does not have any color coding, it means there are no conditions on the portions of dominoes within those spaces.
Easy difficulty hints, answers for March 13 Pips
Number (11): Everything in this space must add up to 11. The answer is 6-6, placed vertically; 5-5, placed horizontally.
Number (8): Everything in this space must add up to 8. The answer is 6-6, placed vertically; 2-2, placed horizontally.
Number (6): Everything in this space must add up to 6. The answer is 2-2, placed horizontally; 4-4, placed horizontally.
Equal (3): Everything in this space must be equal to 3. The answer is 3-3, placed vertically.
Medium difficulty hints, answers for March 13 Pips
Number (9): Everything in this space must add up to 9. The answer is 1-4, placed horizontally; 5-3, placed vertically.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 1-4, placed horizontally; 0-0, placed vertically.
Number (6): Everything in this space must add up to 6. The answer is 5-3, placed vertically; 3-4, placed vertically.
Number (5): Everything in this orange space must add up to 5. The answer is 0-0, placed vertically; 2-6, placed horizontally; 3-1, placed horizontally.
Number (5): Everything in this green space must add up to 5. The answer is 3-1, placed horizontally; 4-5, placed horizontally.
Number (9): Everything in this space must add up to 9. The answer is 3-4, placed vertically; 4-5, placed horizontally.
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Hard difficulty hints, answers for March 13 Pips
Number (0): Everything in this space must add up to 0. The answer is 0-0, placed vertically.
Number (3): Everything in this space must add up to 3. The answer is 3-3, placed vertically.
Number (0): Everything in this space must add up to 0. The answer is 0-2, placed vertically.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 1-1, placed horizontally.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 1-1, placed horizontally.
Number (0): Everything in this space must add up to 0. The answer is 0-0, placed vertically.
Number (3): Everything in this space must add up to 3. The answer is 3-3, placed vertically.
Number (2): Everything in this space must add up to 2. The answer is 0-2, placed vertically.
Number (3): Everything in this space must add up to 3. The answer is 4-3, placed horizontally.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 4-1, placed vertically.
Less Than (4): Everything in this space must be less than 4. The answer is 2-4, placed horizontally.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 1-3, placed vertically.
Number (0): Everything in this space must add up to 0. The answer is 0-4, placed vertically.
Number (0): Everything in this space must add up to 0. The answer is 0-1, placed horizontally.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 0-1, placed horizontally.
Number (0): Everything in this space must add up to 0. The answer is 0-3, placed horizontally.
Number (3): Everything in this space must add up to 3. The answer is 0-3, placed horizontally.
Number (3): Everything in this space must add up to 3. The answer is 1-3, placed vertically.
Number (2): Everything in this light blue space must add up to 2. The answer is 2-1, placed vertically.
Number (2): Everything in this dark blue space must add up to 2. The answer is 2-2, placed horizontally.
Number (2): Everything in this space must add up to 2. The answer is 2-2, placed horizontally.
Number (3): Everything in this space must add up to 3. The answer is 3-2, placed horizontally.
Number (2): Everything in this space must add up to 2. The answer is 3-2, placed horizontally.
Number (1): Everything in this space must add up to 1. The answer is 2-1, placed vertically.
If you’re looking for more puzzles, Mashable’s got games now! Check out our games hub for Mahjong, Sudoku, free crossword, and more.
Report: Commanders signing RB Rachaad White to 1-year deal
Hurdle hints and answers for March 13, 2026
