Entertainment
Outrageous Horror Comedy Turns Man Of God Into Clawed Crusader Streaming For Free
By Robert Scucci
| Published
There are two kinds of people in this world: those who see a title like 2017’s The VelociPastor streaming on Tubi and get excited, and fools with no taste for cinema whatsoever. Always destined to be a B-movie cult-classic, The VelociPastor boasts a $36,000 budget, and some of the most … let’s go with creative special effects as it tells a story about a pastor who turns into a velociraptor (hence its apt title), and goes on a rampage to avenge the deaths of his parents. If you want to be put in a schlock-and-awe induced trance, look no further than this Brendan Steere vehicle, which was simply conceived because his phone once autocorrected “velociraptor” to “Veloci Pastor.”
Looking for deeper meaning whenever you watch a movie? You may want to walk away from this one.
There’s Really Not Much Going On Here
The VelociPastor centers on Roman-Catholic priest Doug Jones (Gregory James Cohan), a God-fearing servant of the good word who goes on a soul-searching excursion in China after his parents are inexplicably blown up in a car-bombing (shown on-screen as plain text saying [VFX: car on fire]). During his trip abroad, which was encouraged by Father Stewart (Daniele Steere), Doug becomes infected with an ancient artifact that’s said to turn people into a mythical dragon warrior. Upon returning home, Doug experiences blackouts whenever he gets angry (like the Incredible Hulk), and wakes up with no recollection of whatever events transpired.
After waking up naked in a sex worker named Carol’s (Alyssa Kempinski) bed, Doug learns that during the unaccounted for time he’s experiencing he’s actually transforming into a velociraptor in The VelociPastor. Relieved that he didn’t engage in carnal activity with Carol, which would be a mortal sin, Doug is conflicted when she tells him that he should use his newfound powers to kill everybody who’s not seen worthy of salvation in the eyes of God.
Doug doesn’t want to become a vigilante dinosaur, but has no choice when speaking to Carol’s pimp, Frankie Mermaid, who shows up for confession and lets it slip that he’s responsible for his parent’s death. Making his mind up that he’ll take matters into his own hands, Doug is confronted by Father Stewart, who thinks he’ll be better off if he sees an exorcist so he can no longer hurt anybody in a fit of dino-induced fury.
Benefits From Its Low Budget
Knowing full-well that a low-budget creature feature would require either a healthy amount of ingenuity or a complete disregard for well-thought-out special effects, Brendan Steere opts for the latter scenario, as the titular VelociPastor is literally just an actor named Zach running around in a dinosaur suit while fighting ninjas with a sword. Never once taking itself seriously, even though its characters play it as straight as possible given the circumstances they find themselves in, The VelociPastor is everything that it’s trying to be, and more because you don’t even find yourself missing special effects. Sometimes, less is more, and the mental image of the above scenarios playing out in real life is why The VelociPastor is such an effectively hilarious experiment in filmmaking.
As of this writing, you can stream The VelociPastor for free on Tubi.
Entertainment
Best Mothers Day gifts: Show mom some love
Mother figures are the backbone of the world. Yours may be your biological mother, or maybe she’s your mother-in-law, your best friend’s mom, or simply someone whose motherly instinct has helped you through hard times.
Moms teach you the adulting necessities, give advice even if the problem is your fault, and above all, they put up with your shit and (almost) never complain.
The game plan here isn’t just to snag the last bouquet at CVS just so you’re not the kid who forgot Mother’s Day (but definitely also get flowers). And you don’t even need to spend a lot of money. (Peep our list of Mother’s Day gifts that cost less than $50. Want even more cheap gift ideas?
Skip the generic mugs and show your appreciation with a gift picked just for her: Whether it’s something to make a part of her life easier, something she’s mentioned wanting in passing, or simply something to make her feel like a damn queen, you can’t put a price on everything she’s done for you, but heartfelt gifts certainly help.
After all, they say “No matter how hard you try, you always end up like your mother.” But is that even a bad thing?
Entertainment
Ban subscriptions and get Microsoft Office 2024 for life for just £121
TL;DR: Grab Microsoft Office 2024 Home and Business for PC or Mac for just £120.54 through June 1.
You wouldn’t keep paying for Netflix if you could own your favorite shows, right? So why are you still subscribing to Office apps you use every day? Microsoft 365’s price keeps going up, but there’s finally a way to break free — and it’ll cost you way less in the long run.
Microsoft Office 2024 is the answer you’ve been looking for. Instead of monthly payments, simply pay £120.54 once and be set for life (reg. £188.37). It’s that simple. And, yes, this lifetime download works for PC or Mac.
What’s included?
This license comes with:
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Word
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Excel
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PowerPoint
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Outlook
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OneNote
The newest version of Microsoft Office is a little different from Microsoft 365. But just because you’re switching to a lifetime license doesn’t mean you’ll miss out on some of the most recent updates. Word and Excel both still have AI integrations for text suggestions and smart data analysis, and PowerPoint still has improved tools for recorded presentations.
Once you’ve redeemed your purchase, you can install your apps on one computer. After that, they’re yours to use however you want. No more subscription fees or sudden price hikes to worry about.
Why rent when you can own?
Mashable Deals
Get a Microsoft Office lifetime license on sale for £120.54 with no coupon needed.
StackSocial prices subject to change.
Entertainment
Wordle today: Answer, hints for May 9, 2025
Oh hey there! If you’re here, it must be time for Wordle. As always, we’re serving up our daily hints and tips to help you figure out today’s answer.
If you just want to be told today’s word, you can jump to the bottom of this article for today’s Wordle solution revealed. But if you’d rather solve it yourself, keep reading for some clues, tips, and strategies to assist you.
Where did Wordle come from?
Originally created by engineer Josh Wardle as a gift for his partner, Wordle rapidly spread to become an international phenomenon, with thousands of people around the globe playing every day. Alternate Wordle versions created by fans also sprang up, including battle royale Squabble, music identification game Heardle, and variations like Dordle and Quordle that make you guess multiple words at once.
Wordle eventually became so popular that it was purchased by the New York Times, and TikTok creators even livestream themselves playing.
What’s the best Wordle starting word?
The best Wordle starting word is the one that speaks to you. But if you prefer to be strategic in your approach, we have a few ideas to help you pick a word that might help you find the solution faster. One tip is to select a word that includes at least two different vowels, plus some common consonants like S, T, R, or N.
What happened to the Wordle archive?
The entire archive of past Wordle puzzles was originally available for anyone to enjoy whenever they felt like it, but it was later taken down, with the website’s creator stating it was done at the request of the New York Times. However, the New York Times then rolled out its own Wordle Archive, available only to NYT Games subscribers.
Is Wordle getting harder?
It might feel like Wordle is getting harder, but it actually isn’t any more difficult than when it first began. You can turn on Wordle‘s Hard Mode if you’re after more of a challenge, though.
Here’s a subtle hint for today’s Wordle answer:
Gibberish.
Mashable Top Stories
Does today’s Wordle answer have a double letter?
There are no recurring letters.
Today’s Wordle is a 5-letter word that starts with…
Today’s Wordle starts with the letter T.
The Wordle answer today is…
Get your last guesses in now, because it’s your final chance to solve today’s Wordle before we reveal the solution.
Drumroll please!
The solution to today’s Wordle is…
TRIPE.
Don’t feel down if you didn’t manage to guess it this time. There will be a new Wordle for you to stretch your brain with tomorrow, and we’ll be back again to guide you with more helpful hints.
Are you also playing NYT Strands? See hints and answers for today’s Strands.
Reporting by Chance Townsend, Caitlin Welsh, Sam Haysom, Amanda Yeo, Shannon Connellan, Cecily Mauran, Mike Pearl, and Adam Rosenberg contributed to this article.
If you’re looking for more puzzles, Mashable’s got games now! Check out our games hub for Mahjong, Sudoku, free crossword, and more.
Not the day you’re after? Here’s the solution to yesterday’s Wordle.
A'ja Wilson has no shortage of motivation after Aces' early exit in '24
Best Mothers Day gifts: Show mom some love
