By Chris Snellgrove
| Published 8 seconds ago

There’s something especially depressing about awful sequels to franchises that used to be great. The best example of this is, of course, Jurassic Park. Steven Spielberg turned that first film into a generational classic, one that energized children all over the world and ushered in the CGI age, all while making dinosaurs cool again. That movie got some comparatively lackluster sequels before the franchise roared back to life many years later with 2015’s Jurassic World.

Relatively speaking, Jurassic World was a decent franchise reboot. It brought us entertaining characters, serious spectacle, and more crazy action scenes than you can shake a fossil at. Unfortunately, it took the revived franchise no time at all to go off the rails because Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) was a horrific flop, one which tried to be both an action-adventure movie and (weirdly enough) a horror movie. If you’re ready to see the movie that successfully ruined two completely different genres, it’s easier than ever to watch. All you have to do is stream Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom on Netflix.

Somehow, The Dinosaurs Returned

The premise of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is that years after the Jurassic World disaster, the dinosaurs on that island are in danger of going extinct yet again, thanks to an upcoming volcanic explosion. The government decides to let them die, after which Owen Grady and Claire Dearing (our two will they, won’t they protagonists from the first movie) get talked into helping relocate some of the dinosaurs, saving them from certain death. Unfortunately, this lands them squarely in the middle of an increasingly bizarre plot involving clones, haunted houses, and an underground auction for weaponized dinosaurs.

The cast of Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom includes plenty of familiar faces, including Chris Pratt (best known for Guardians of the Galaxy) and Bryce Dallas Howard (best known for Jurassic World: Dominion). We also get the brief return of the popular Jeff Goldblum and his fellow Jurassic Park alumnus BD Wong. The film also features performances from character actor legends James Cromwell (best known for LA Confidential) and Toby Jones (best known for Captain America: The First Avenger), both of whom are giving far better performances than this stinker of a script deserves.

Profit, Uh, Finds A Way

Even though it was hated by both audiences and critics (more on this soon), Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom made fat stacks of prehistoric cash at the box office. Against a budget as high as $465 million, this disappointing sequel earned $1.310 billion. Making as much as Marvel movies did at their height guaranteed that Fallen Kingdom would get a sequel, and Jurassic World: Dominion came out in 2022. That movie’s chief claim to fame was that it reunited popular characters like Alan Grant, Ellie Satler, and Ian Malcolm. But the writing did not, uh, find a way, and that film ended up being even more of a critical disappointment than Fallen Kingdom.

Part of the magic of the first Jurassic Park film is that it was beloved by audiences and critics alike, all of whom appreciated this slice of genuine movie magic. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is the opposite, though, in that it’s equally hated: it has a 47 percent critical rating on Rotten Tomatoes and a 48 percent audience rating. Fans and reviewers alike dunked on the movie for its sloppy characterization and ramshackle writing. The movie was ultimately a shell of the franchise. As a thrill ride without any thrills, Fallen Kingdom will have you wanting to bail long before the credits roll.

Everything Falls Apart

This is one of those cases where I firmly stand with the critical consensus. While it was far from a masterpiece, the first Jurassic World did a good job bringing the franchise back to life. In the vein of The Force Awakens, it mostly functioned as a slick remake of Jurassic Park that added new characters but didn’t tweak the formula too much. That was arguably the biggest problem with Jurassic World: that it didn’t take enough big, creative swings. By contrast, Fallen Kingdom swings for the fences, but it strikes out each and every time by failing to follow through on any of its half-baked ideas.

For example, the first part of the movie is a lame retread plot that involves going back to the island. On paper, an island full of dinosaurs that’s about to explode would make for a fairly exciting film. But nothing really interesting happens here, which is that much more disappointing because the film takes its sweet time even getting our characters back to this iconic location. Once they are there, all they do in between moving the sluggish plot along is watch dinosaurs die. Thanks, Fallen Kingdom, for giving action-adventure fans what they really want: an excuse to cry over phoned-in CGI creatures.

A Plot That Should Have Gone Extinct

After this, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom inexplicably transforms itself into a haunted house movie with dinosaurs in the basement being auctioned off to the highest bidder. You have to seriously suspend your disbelief that nobody in the mansion upstairs can hear the small army of dinosaurs being sold on the dark web. But the part that will turn you into the Joker is the most coveted dino, one that will attack whatever target you paint with your gun-mounted laser sight. This begs the question: if I’m close enough to target my enemy with the laser, wouldn’t it be cheaper and easier on every level to just shoot the guy instead of bringing a 20-ton dinosaur with me and having him do it?

Adding insult to injury, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom has a cool, unexpected ending that the next film never really follows up on. In terms of acting, writing, and even effects, this was already the worst film in the entire trilogy. By having the third movie undo everything neat about the second, the studio reveals this sequel to be a hot mess of superfluous storytelling. The Star Wars metaphor is now complete: if Jurassic World is this franchise’s The Force Awakens, then Fallen Kingdom is most definitely The Last Jedi.

Are you in the mood for a film so bad that it will make you root for a new ice age? Are you looking to torment your friends, or maybe you just want to fry your own brain? Either way, you don’t even have to move from the couch. All you have to do is stream Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom on Netflix to discover a cinematic disaster 65 million years in the making.

By Robert Scucci
| Published 16 seconds ago

Corporate, white-collar jobs are the worst. One time, I worked with a guy who “didn’t like to sit with his back to the door” in the conference room during our weekly management meetings, as if he was Jason freakin Bourne. He was an accounts receivable manager, an avid watch and stamp collector, and weighed north of 300 pounds. Not a single person thought, “man, what a badass” when he said these things, but we just had to grin and bear it. We just smiled and nodded as if he didn’t just say the dumbest thing on the planet. 

The same kind of behavior shows up in 2010’s Drones, except nobody’s pretending to be a highly trained assassin posing as a white-collar client services supervisor who drives a Honda Pilot. No, they’re claiming to be aliens.

A Not-So-Hostile Takeover

Drones centers on a business-casual G man named Brian (Jonathan M. Woodward), who works as a pencil pusher for the Omni Link company. It’s never really established what he or his coworkers do for a living. Think of it like Office Space. The greatest source of stress around the office is the company changing its filing system from chronological to alphabetical, which completely incenses Cooperman (Dave Allen), the most cynical employee in the building.

But if I’m weighing in here and being entirely honest, if you don’t sort by “date modified,” you’re a total psychopath. That way, the things you were working on most recently, and actually need, are at the top of the list. I’m totally Team Cooperman here.

There are two other sources of stress in Drones that slowly reveal themselves. First, Brian’s coworker Clark (Samm Levine) accidentally lets it slip that he’s an alien with plans for Earth that haven’t been fully explained. Second, before confessing any of that, Clark encourages Brian to ask out Amy (Angela Bettis), because it’s obvious to everybody that they’ve got some chemistry.

Then, Brian gets to know Amy and learns that she’s also an alien, reporting back to her home planet through the fax machine in the print room. Here’s the real problem. Amy and Clark aren’t from the same planet, and they both plan to take over Earth against each other’s knowledge. What follows is a series of closed-door conversations, eavesdropping, and awkward office romances tangled up in something much bigger than getting accused of stealing the last doughnut from the break room.

Quirky And Fun, But You Have To Use Your Imagination

Like most low-budget outings, Drones has its fun by never showing you its “monsters.” There are no special effects, and the entire movie takes place inside an office building. Everything is fluorescently lit to the point where your brain practically invents that awful humming noise just to complete the experience. Most of the tension comes from miscommunication and people getting their wires crossed over their motives.

What really sells the premise, though, is Amy’s dynamic with Brian. It’s the perfect interoffice romance because it’s built on paranoia. The kind of paranoia you get when you catch feelings for a coworker and convince yourself that even the smallest amount of happiness will somehow get reported to HR and shut down immediately.

Angela Bettis knocks it out of the park as Amy because she carries a subtle uncanny valley vibe. It’s not that she looks strange. She’s conventionally attractive and not doing anything overtly off-putting aside from occasionally talking to a fax machine. It’s all in her expressions. She studies everyone around her like she’s trying to figure out how humans operate in real time so she can report back to her own species.

Samm Levine’s Clark is similarly, and inexplicably, strange. Having worked in an office myself for years, nothing he’s doing is technically out of the ordinary, but something about his mannerisms still feels off. Both characters ride that line perfectly, where they seem normal on the surface but just weird enough to make you question everything.

Stuck between two potential alien invasions, all centered around his workplace, Brian is either weirdly okay with everything or completely bewildered depending on the moment, which makes for a surprisingly fun watch.

Drones is the kind of movie you throw on after a long day at an office job as a reminder to seek employment elsewhere. Everything from the interpersonal politics to the drab setting feels intentionally uncomfortable.

It makes you wonder if humans were ever meant to sit in cubicles all day (Peter Gibbons was right). An office suite is the perfect place for alien overlords to gather and talk shop if you think about it. It’s the one place where humans show up completely disengaged, which probably gives the aliens the upper hand before lunchtime most days.

As of this writing, Drones is streaming for free on Tubi.

By Brian Myers
| Published 1 minute ago

Throughout most of the 1990s, the top-rated NBC sitcom Seinfeld dominated primetime television. The witty humor and superficial characters took viewers through bizarre happenstances surrounding relatable life situations that are seemingly mundane on the surface. The “show about nothing” proved to be more about everything else, but also weaved in the real-life interests of the show’s star and namesake, Jerry Seinfeld. A fan of superheroes, Seinfeld and his writers found ways of inserting references to comic book icons in multiple episodes, some a bit more concealed than others.

Fans of Seinfeld have claimed since the show’s run that the writers packed a Superman reference into every episode. If you count the noticeable Superman statue on Jerry’s shelf or the small magnets of the superhero on his refrigerator, you might come up with a visual reference for the majority of the show’s 180 entries. While the real tally of mentions and nods is far less than what some fans might have originally speculated, looking for and discovering these little Easter eggs has been a bonus to enjoying a much-beloved 90s TV staple.

Two Specific Episodes Do The Heavy Lifting

Two episodes are almost entirely dominated by Superman references. In the 1996 fan favorite episode, “The Bizarro Jerry,” Elaine begins a friendship with Kevin, with whom she has just ended a very short-term romance. As his new friend, Elaine discovers parallels between the life she experiences with Jerry and the gang, and Kevin and his friend group. Each person in Kevin’s life is the mirror opposite of every person in Jerry’s. Gene (George) and Feldman (Kramer) make up Kevin’s core friends, while Kevin is Jerry’s counterpart.

Kevin’s apartment also has details that, upon close examination, show Jerry’s interests in a twisted recreation. Aside from the layout being mirrored, there’s a unicycle on the wall where Jerry’s bike always hangs, Feldman always knocks before entering (instead of barging in, like Kramer), and continually restocks Kevin’s refrigerator and cabinets with groceries instead of bumming them. The cou de gras is positioned where Jerry’s prized Superman statue should be. In its place is Bizarro Superman, completing Jerry’s reference to Elaine being in “the Bizarro World” when she’s with Kevin.

The 1994 episode, “The Race,” sees Jerry have a rematch of a running contest that he deceptively won during high school. His old rival, Duncan Meyer, is revealed to be the employer of his newest love interest, Lois (as in Lois Lane, Superman’s girlfriend). Throughout the episode, Jerry utters memorable lines like “I’d have to be Superman to do that,” and “Faster than a speeding bullet.” The theme from Superman (1978) plays as Duncan gets his rematch with Jerry, which Jerry also wins after an unwitting headstart. He closes the show with a nod to the 1950s series, The Adventures of Superman, by uttering the line “Maybe I will, Lois. Maybe I will,” before breaking the fourth wall and winking at the camera.

Subtle Nods Through Dialogue

Most of the references to superheroes are revealed through the show’s dialogue instead of being visual cues. When George refers to Jerry’s new girlfriend, Gwen, as a “Two-Face” (the woman looks starkly different when the lighting changes), Jerry exclaims, “Like the Batman villain!” In another exchange, it’s revealed by Elaine that Jerry doodles naked pictures of Lois Lane. Yet another moment has George referring to Jerry as having only two interests, Superman and cereal.

Two-Face, Batman & Robin, and Superman aren’t the only DC superheroes mentioned in the series. On at least two occasions, Aquaman is the subject of conversations between George and Jerry. In “The Deal,” George wonders whether the character was “restricted to water,” while “The Glasses” has Jerry referring to his friend as “Aquaboy.”

“The Strongbox” Has Deep Cuts

One of the best superhero references occurred during an exchange between George, Jerry, and Elaine while the three were sitting in their favorite coffee shop in “The Strongbox.” Elaine has been seeing a new guy, a secretive fellow named Glenn. Elaine had previously speculated that he was probably married, given that he always met her out and refused to give her his phone number.

Jerry had interjected that the guy could be protecting his secret identity and that Elaine could very well be dating the Green Lantern. At the coffee shop, Elaine reveals that her new beau isn’t married, but that he’s been actively hiding the fact that he’s living in poverty. The exchange that follows is packed so full of lines revolving around DC characters, making it one of the greatest instances of snap dialogue over Seinfeld’s nine-season run.

Jerry’s one-liners included “We found out his superpower was lack of money,” “He’s the ‘got no green’ lantern,” and “He’s invulnerable to creditors.” A visibly annoyed Elaine gets up to leave, only to have George pipe up with “Maybe his girlfriend is Lois Loan.” Jerry deals the final blow when Elaine reenters moments later to retrieve something she’d left behind; “He can wipe out a checking account with a single bounce!”

References You May Have Missed

Superman-related references also make appearances in the following episodes:

In “The Pilot,” Jerry is clad in a wardrobe of red and blue, Superman’s colors.

During a scene in “The Secret Code,” Jerry tells George that his ATM passcode is “Jor-El,” the name of Superman’s father on the planet Krypton.

“The Stock Tip” sees Jerry and George debating whether or not Superman has a super sense of humor.

After George makes a bone-headed move concerning a new love interest in “The Face Painter,” he wishes he could turn back time in the way Superman could, by spinning the Earth in reverse.

“The Cheever Letters” makes one of several references to someone’s home being their “Fortress of Solitude.”

“The Invitations” has a montage of Jerry with his new fiancée, Jeannie. In one moment, the two of them are shown reading Superman comic books.

The next time you stream Seinfeld on Netflix, look and listen for the references aboveand others.