By Jonathan Klotz
| Published 14 seconds ago

Everyone loves dinosaurs. Everyone loves Jeff Goldblum. Everyone loves dinosaurs with Jeff Goldblum. It should be a simple formula, and yet 2021’s Jurassic World: Dominion managed to fumble the return of Jurassic Park’s trio with a ludicrous plot, dull set pieces, and managed to avoid addressing the ending of Fallen Kingdom. The cool ending with the dinosaurs starting to repopulate around the world? The one that had you pumped for the next Jurassic World movie? Replaced with a story about genetically modified locusts that’s so exciting I fell asleep in the theater the first time I watched it. 

Rise Of The Mutant Locusts

Other films have almost put me to sleep, including, ironically, Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland and the Ryan Reynolds/Denzel Washington film Safe House, but none have knocked me out like Jurassic World: Dominion. I made it to Alan Grant (Sam Neill), Ellie Satler (Laura Dern), and Ian Malcolm (Jeff Goldblum) running around a biotech facility and then woke up to the credits. The plot has none of the tension of the first four films, the dinosaurs feel like a minor nuisance, and the two generations of Jurassic characters are kept separated for 90 percent of the film. It takes one hour and 45 minutes for Owen Grady (Chris Pratt) and Alan Grant to finally meet. 

After Jurassic World turned the theme park of the original into a reality, and Fallen Kingdom became a haunted house horror for its third act, Dominion’s reliance on a Biosyn facility for the final act was a huge step back. Owen and Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard), sneaking into a black market auction for dinosaurs, would be fun, except again, that was seen in the previous movie. There’s nothing here that the same stars, same director (Colin Trevorrow), and same writer (also Colin Trevorrow) hadn’t done before, but better. 

Dinosaurs Are Awesome

I did enjoy Jurassic World: Dominion significantly more the second time around on Netflix. Part of that is my expectations were tempered, and the other is that my cat (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)  never lets me fall asleep on the couch. The streaming experience allowed me to appreciate the old guard slipping into their roles like a well-used pair of pants, and Isabella Sermon, who plays the genetically altered Maisie, more than holds her own alongside the cadre of established stars. 

Though Jurassic World: Dominion was filmed during the COVID pandemic, and it has the hallmarks of those productions, namely the complete lack of extras during the third act, the actual story, the weakest part of the film, was solidified long before the pandemic hit. Trevorrow’s original vision, available on the Blu-Ray as an extended cut, includes more dinosaurs and more backstory. That cut isn’t available on Netflix, which is a shame, as the one thing the dinosaur movie needed was more dinosaurs. 

Jurassic World: Dominion is the weakest of the franchise, and yet it still earned a billion dollars a the box office. When the worst film of a series sets records and is still a decent film, if you go in with the right expectations, that says something about the overall quality of Jurassic Park. Or it could just be that dinosaurs are awesome. Jurassic World: Dominion, and the rest of the Jurassic World series, including Jurassic World: Rebirth, are now available to stream on Netflix.

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published 17 seconds ago

Charles Lee Ray (better known as Chucky) really has a stranglehold on one of the craziest genres in film history: the killer doll movie. Whenever people imagine murderous toys, they imagine the Child’s Play films that first brought Chucky to life. Since the success of those earlier outings, the Chuckster has headlined several sequels and even three seasons of the delightfully chaotic TV show, Chucky.

However, there’s more to killer dolls than Chucky, and there’s an entire world of evil doll movies out there for you to discover. The best alternative to Child’s Play is Puppet Master (1989), a late ‘80s shlock horror classic that inspired decades of sequels, prequels, and spinoffs. To discover the film that started an unlikely franchise, all you have to do is stream the first Puppet Master movie for free on Tubi!  

Never Too Old To Play With Toys

The plot of Puppet Master begins when a brilliant man who has learned to bring puppets to life is killed by Nazis. Half a century later, a group of psychics is summoned to the same inn where the deceased genius hid his puppets. The man who summoned them is dead, and they want to learn his secrets; however, they are running out of time, because it doesn’t take long before evil puppets are picking them off, one by one! 

The cast of Puppet Master includes Paul Le Mat (best known for American Graffiti) as a professor who can see the future in his dreams. The film also stars William Hickey (best known for National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation) as the man who originally created these fascinating puppets. Finally, Jimmy F. Skaggs (best known for Lethal Weapon) plays the titular puppet master, using these terrifying toys to wreak havoc among his so-called friends. 

Thrills, Kills, And Drills

Puppet Master was made on a relatively shoestring budget of $400,000, which is astounding when you consider how great this film (especially the puppets) looks. It was released direct-to-video, where it soon became a cult classic among horror fans who were looking for something new to scream about. Afterward, the franchise ascended to new bloody heights with five sequels, five prequels, two spinoffs, one reboot, and an unforgettably bonkers crossover film with the Demonic Toys franchise.

When Puppet Master premiered, it weirded out reviewers in all the wrong ways. It has a 40 percent on Rotten Tomatoes, with critics complaining about the complex plot, odd pacing, and strangely serious tone. However, even the film’s biggest critics noted that the puppet effects are absolutely awesome throughout, making this a great movie for anyone hoping to see these killer dolls dispatching humans in bloody and hilariously inventive ways.

Sex And Violence (The Two Major Food Groups)

Personally, I think the critics are being way too harsh on Puppet Master. Admittedly, the movie’s plot probably is a bit too complex, especially when we’re all here to see a bunch of creepy killer dolls do their thing. At the same time, so many horror movies are completely mindless and have almost no plot whatsoever, so I don’t think it’s worth holding it against this quirky classic that it gives us too much story.

Aside from the focus on killer dollars, Puppet Master also shares something in common with Child’s Play: great practical effects make the whole thing worth it. Even if this tangled tale of killer psychics doesn’t tickle your fancy, you’ll be on the edge of your seat once the titular puppets start turning everyone into mincemeat. By the time it’s over, there are buckets of blood courtesy of some truly iconic ‘80s monsters, and that makes the whole thing worth the price of admission.

A Guilty Pleasure (No Strings Attached)

Finally, while the franchise admittedly goes off the rails over time, the very fact that this first movie inspired so many sequels and prequels is proof of just how entertaining Puppet Master really is. It’s a movie that terrified the imagination of audiences in the world by showing them fear as they had never seen it before. That fear is still very real, and you are very likely to see these murderous puppets in your nightmares shortly after you watch this legendary horror movie.

Is Puppet Master a cult classic creepshow that will haunt your dreams forever, or is this one killer toy movie that will have you wanting to put away childish things? The only way to know for sure is to stream it for free on Tubi and experience these pint-sized terrors for yourself. Trust me: by the time the credits roll, you’ll never look at a drill the same way ever again!

By Robert Scucci
| Published 24 seconds ago

While I’m admittedly far from an expert when it comes to sword and sorcery films and video game lore, I’m an avid fan of B-movie schlock and just about anything Uwe Boll has his name attached to. This lack of knowledge about 18th century Romania and vampiric etymology works to my advantage when reviewing 2005’s BloodRayne because I’m not convinced Boll knows much about these things either. There’s a revenge arc, a smoking hot lead who knows how to seduce with her fangs and slice with a sword, Michael Madsen and Billy Zane showing up in some of their most bizarre roles to date, and production values in BloodRayne that cannot be denied. It’s absolutely worth your time if you want to see what a spectacular failure looks like.

Billy Zane has gone on record saying it was a “pleasure to work with such a decisive director,” and Michael Madsen, who referred to the final product as a “horrifying and preposterous movie,” didn’t mince words when he said he’d gladly work with Boll again if the opportunity ever presented itself. For my money, BloodRayne is leaps and bounds better than some of Boll’s previous video game adaptations, like the Christian Slater-starring Alone in the Dark that came out the same year.

That said, I can see why BloodRayne currently boasts a punishing 4 percent critical score on Rotten Tomatoes because everything you’ll read about it is true. It’s tragically hamfisted, fumbling its worldbuilding through dialogue-heavy exposition dumps and delivering some of the most baffling fight choreography you’ll ever lay eyes on. Uwe Boll is also one of the most passionate filmmakers to ever walk this Earth, and you can tell how sincerely he wanted to tell this story, which makes the whole disaster drip with unexpected charm. It’s a total mess, but you can tell a lot of heart went into its production.

Our Ballsy Heroine Is A Dhampir

BloodRayne, set in 18th century Romania, tells the tale of Rayne (Kristanna Loken), a vampire and human half-breed known as a dhampir. While she exhibits typical vampiric behavior when pushed to her limit, her genetics allow her to touch crucifixes, though holy water still poses a problem. She was conceived when her father Kagan (Ben Kingsley), the king of vampires, forced himself on her mother before eventually killing her. Naturally, Rayne is primed for revenge for being born under the circumstances, but we first meet her in captivity, working as a circus freak who sustains brutal injuries that are then healed when she’s fed goat blood.

Learning about Rayne’s existence and wanting to use her abilities against Kagan in his own crusade is Vladimir (Michael Madsen), a senior member of the Brimstone Society, a secret organization dedicated to one thing: killing vampires. Along for the ride are Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez), who distrusts Rayne because of her vampiric lineage, and Sebastian (Matthew Davis), who will eventually fall in love with Rayne with tragic results.

Rayne eventually learns of three sacred talismans and sets out to procure them before her father does. Possession of an eyeball, a rib, and a cross would allow whoever gathers them to become immune to holy water, crosses, and sunlight, respectively. Complicating matters are Katarin’s ties to her noble father, Elrich (Billy Zane), who secretly seeks power for himself while presenting himself as an ally to Kagan. We learn about all these moving parts through dialogue dumps, and a Fortune Teller (Geraldine Chaplin). From there, it’s up to us to decide whether any of this makes sense.

A Beautifully Shot Cinematic Disaster

While watching BloodRayne, I had two competing thoughts. First, the actual production quality is surprisingly strong for a 2005 release thanks to its $25 million budget. The sound design specifically is immersive, and some of the more intense sequences nearly blew my head off. Every sword clang and explosion feels deliberate, and you can tell a lot of care went into this aspect of the production.

My second thought was that all of this potential was wasted on some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever heard and fight choreography that makes absolutely no sense. In my mind, the cameraman was just spinning around during the fight scenes to make them look more elaborate than the actors were capable of pulling off. Some of the set pieces are equally preposterous, breaking the immersion entirely.

There’s even a scene with Rayne, Vladimir, and Sebastian walking down a cobblestone street where a bakery sign looks like it came straight from a Panera Bread. I guess they couldn’t get the “Ye Olde Bagel Shop” placard ready on time, which honestly would have been more authentic than what we see in the final cut. And don’t even get me started on Meat Loaf’s Leonid rolling around with a more nude side-women than any mortal man could realistically handle in a thousand lifetimes.

That said, BloodRayne is an absolute pleasure to watch if you’re into the kind of cinematic experimentation that Uwe Boll is known for. You can tell how much care went into this movie, but it’s all focused on the wrong things. I actually think it would play better with half the budget because the campiness would feel earned. The production values and execution are constantly at odds with each other here, making for a strangely fascinating watch.

If you’re interested in seeing a movie with genuinely great gore and creature effects but lacking in almost every other department, you can stream BloodRayne for free on Pluto TV as of this writing.