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Dogma's Buddy Christ Prediction Has Come True In The Worst Way Possible, Sign Up For Jesus+ Now!

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published

Back in 1999, Kevin Smith ended the millennium with Dogma, arguably the most ambitious film he ever made. His previous movies focused on more down-to-earth affairs, including the miseries of retail work and the joys of hanging out at the local mall. By comparison, Dogma followed the misadventures of two angels trying to get back into Heaven and the heroes who have to stop them from destroying the world. Along the way, Smith also brutally skewered the Christian faith through the character of Cardinal Glick, who tried to sell the public on Buddy Christ, a grinning caricature of Jesus who is perpetually giving a thumbs up.

As part of Glick’s speech, he described why he wanted the Buddy Christ to replace the crucifix: that it offered everyone who saw it “a positive reinforcement that whatever we do, God thinks is ‘A-okay.’” At the time, teenage me shook my head at Smith’s satire about a society that wanted the Almighty to rubber-stamp everything they say and do. Now, though, it seems Smith was a prophet: tech company Just Like Me is selling access to an AI-powered Jesus for the not-so-low, low price of $1.99 a minute.

He Is Ri$en

The concept of people talking to AI chatbots isn’t very new: in fact, people are chatting with, arguing with, and even falling in love with a plethora of bots each and every day. But what Just Like Me is doing is targeting Christians who long for a more personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For $1.99 a minute (or $49.99 a month for 45 minutes), users can speak to an AI bot that has been trained on the King James Bible and an array of unspecified sermons. Visually, the bot is modeled after actor Jonathan Roumie, who (thanks to long hair and a patina of heavenly light) really does look like Jesus.

Personally, I have a number of misgivings with this app. As someone who grew up going to church, this seems like a pretty clear violation of the Second Commandment, which tells humans not to create idols of God or Jesus. On a less religious note, this seems like a really gross way of taking people’s money. Like, who needs evangelistic grifters once you have Jesus himself asking you to upgrade to a premium subscription? Also, let’s be real: in the best case, this thing is going to lie to vulnerable people looking for someone to trust. In the worst case, this is going to create case after case of outright religious psychosis.

Subscribe To Jesus+

As a big Kevin Smith fan, though, I have been grimly amused at how much this AI-powered Jesus mirrors the portrayal of the Buddy Christ in Dogma. In the film, Cardinal Glick describes how he wanted Jesus to give everyone a  thumbs-up to offer “positive reinforcement” for “whatever we do.” This is, of course, what AI is notorious for: simply telling users what they want to hear. 

Glick also described Buddy Christ as a “happy Jesus” that he wanted to replace the “wholly depressing” image of the crucifix. Rhetorically, he asked the crowd, “Can’t you just see it on chains around people’s necks, and as the new background in avant-garde MTV videos?” The Jesus chatbot from Just Like Me really parallels this idea because the app developers aren’t trying to develop a Jesus avatar that will challenge beliefs and make someone’s faith stronger. Like the fictional Cardinal Glick, they just want to commodify Christ, turning this spiritual leader into an empty vessel filled with equally empty AI platitudes. 

Your Karma Ran Over My Dogma

Make no mistake: apps like this are designed to prey on people, and those of faith are uniquely vulnerable because, by definition, they are looking for someone else to guide their lives. The Jesus app from Just Like Me is one of many that will soon be offering spiritual advice to your friends and family members, especially older ones. Before they completely empty their wallets for this graven image, be sure to watch Dogma with them. That way, they’ll learn the danger of Buddy Christ and, through Glick’s grisly fate, the danger of supporting it.

Alternatively, they might just learn how hot Salma Hayek looks as a stripper. Either way, I’m calling that a win!


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This $43 bundle quietly upgrades your entire PC experience

TL;DR: This rare Microsoft bundle deal gives you a lifetime license to Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows and Windows 11 Pro for only $42.97 (reg. $418.99) through May 17.


$42.97

$418.99
Save $376.02

 

Looking for an affordable way to make your old PC feel new again? If you don’t have the funds to buy a brand new computer, don’t worry. The Ultimate Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows lifetime license and Windows 11 Pro Bundle is the next best thing, offering your computer a total upgrade for only $42.97 through May 17.

Don’t count out your dusty old PC. This Microsoft bundle is here to give it a total facelift for less than $50. It kicks off with a lifetime license to some of the brand’s most popular tools — Microsoft Office, which you’ll pay for once and enjoy without any subscription fees.

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By signing up, you agree to receive recurring automated SMS marketing messages from Mashable Deals at the number provided. Msg and data rates may apply. Up to 2 messages/day. Reply STOP to opt out, HELP for help. Consent is not a condition of purchase. See our Privacy Policy and Terms of Use.

You’ll get permanent access to a suite of eight helpful apps with Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows. It includes staples that have been around for decades, like Word, Excel, PowerPoint, and Outlook. You’ll also get newer favorites like Teams, OneNote, Access, and Publisher.

Once you’ve loaded the apps onto your device, you can upgrade your OS to Windows 11 Pro. It’s an operating system made for modern professionals, with tools that support your workflow. Enjoy a more powerful search experience, improved voice typing, a seamless interface, snap layouts, and much more.

You can rest easy knowing Windows 11 Pro takes your cybersecurity seriously. You’ll have biometric logins, encrypted authentication, and advanced antivirus defenses to keep your data secure.

Show your PC some love with the Microsoft Office Professional 2021 for Windows and Windows 11 Pro bundle for only $42.97 (reg. $418.99) now until May 17.

StackSocial prices subject to change.

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Star Trek’s First Broadcast Episode Was Very Carefully Chosen, Because It Was Boring

By Chris Snellgrove
| Published

These days, Star Trek is a bona fide pop culture phenomenon. But during the development of The Original Series, there was anxiety that the general public wouldn’t really understand Gene Roddenberry’s mashing up Western tropes with a sci-fi setting. Making matters worse was that the original pilot, “The Cage,” had been rejected by NBC for being too brainy. Fortunately, Roddenberry got a chance to shoot another pilot, one which impressed the network enough to order an entire season worth of episodes.

Several episodes of Star Trek: The Original Series had already been shot when the time came for this new show to make its broadcast premiere. The first episode that the general public saw was “The Man Trap,” which featured a shapeshifting monster that was revealed to be an alien salt vampire. This good-but-not-great episode was an odd choice, and it was one that the cast and crew hated. As it turns out, though, this episode was very carefully selected by executives because it served as an inoffensive, relatively straightforward encapsulation of everything Star Trek had to offer.

It’s A Trap!

Most of the information we have about why “The Man Trap” was selected as Star Trek’s first episode comes from the book Inside Star Trek: The Real Story. Within this impressive reference tome, Robert H. Justman and Herbert F. Solow revealed something surprising: NBC had several other episodes to choose from for the premiere, including “The Corbomite Maneuver,” “Charlie X,” “Mudd’s Women,” “Where No Man Has Gone Before,” and “The Naked Time.” All of them had already been shot and were mostly finished, so it was just a matter of figuring out which episode would serve as the best introduction to Star Trek, a heretofore unknown sci-fi series.

“The Man Trap” won out, mostly because the powers that be worried that other episodes would be off-putting to general audiences in some very specific ways. For example, they worried that audiences would find “Charlie X” a story that was “too gentle” because it focused on an adolescent with special powers. This was probably the right call, in retrospect: when Variety gave a negative review of “The Man Trap” (an episode chosen, in part, because of its relative maturity), they declared that Star Trek: The Original Series was “better suited to the Saturday morning kidvid bloc” (ouch!).

A Monster Hit Of An Episode

“The Corbomite Maneuver” was a great potential choice, but this episode’s impressive special effects were still in post-production, and almost all of its action took place on the ship. “Where No Man Has Gone Before” really outlined the premise of the new show, but it was deemed “expository” for general audiences expecting more action and danger. Justman thought “The Naked Time” was a killer introduction to the crew’s personalities, but the network passed, presumably because of how over-the-top (half-naked, swashbuckling Sulu? Oh, my!) that episode gets. “Mudd’s Women,” meanwhile, was deemed too offensive because the plot involved literally selling women to miners.

Through this process of elimination, executives decided that “The Man Trap” was the best intro to Star Trek. It had cool scenes on both the Enterprise and a distant outpost (a strange new world) and featured a straightforward action plot you didn’t have to be a sci-fi aficionado to understand. Finally, it was all about finding and defeating a creepy monster, which offered thrills to audiences of all ages. The network’s choice paid off, and Star Trek: The Original Series became the most popular sci-fi show in television history, even though the cast (including William Shatner and Leonard Nimoy) thought “The Man Trap” was the worst possible episode they could have chosen.

All of this is a keen reminder of how much thought and work went into putting Star Trek’s best foot forward. It might be a reminder that Paramount’s current upper leadership needs, as Starfleet Academy hit the ground running with the worst episodes of Season 1. The show got better after that, but it didn’t matter because the prospective audience had already been driven away. As it turns out, today’s execs need to learn something that the network execs of the ‘60s had learned very well: series succeed when you give the audience what they want to see and not what you want to show!


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How A Fantasy Box Office Bomb Lost $200 Million In Theaters, And Suddenly Became A Streaming Hit

By Jonathan Klotz
| Published

For the last decade as streaming has taken off in homes around the world, it’s become possible for films that lost historical amounts of money in theaters to find success, even if it might be the post-Mystery Science Theater 3000 trend of “so bad it’s good.” That’s why a massive flop, for example say, Morbius, and films that slightly missed the mark like The Fall Guy can turn it around and become a streaming success.

What’s even more impressive is the amazing turnaround of 2013’s Jack the Giant Slayer, which lost Legendary Pictures an alleged $200 million, only to end up topping streaming charts in 2025. 

The Classic Fairy Tale With A Twist

Everyone knows the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, the classic fairy tale about selling a horse for magic beans and climbing a beanstalk to find a giant living in the clouds.  It’s simple, contains multiple morals, and can be easily adjusted to turn Jack into the villain, but Jack the Giant Slayer instead asks, “What if there was no moral, and instead of one giant, there was an entire army of evil giants?” The movie is the classic story, as you’ve never seen it before, and it almost works. 

Nicholas Hoult plays Jack, the young man who finds himself trading his horse to a monk in exchange for beans that he can’t allow to get wet, ever. Like the rules in Gremlins, it’s not long before Jack accidentally gets the beans wet and a beanstalk grows under his house with the princess, Isabell (Eleanor Tomlinson), trapped inside as it grows into the sky. All the king’s men gather to rescue the princess, including Lord Roderick (Stanley Tucci), who, thankfully, Jack the Giant Slayer makes obvious is very evil, very quickly. 

It’s up to Jack, Isabell, and the loyal Knight, Elmont (Ewan McGregor) to save the kingdom and stop the invasion of giants led by Roderick and the giant two-headed General Fallon (Bill Nighy). If there’s one thing Jack the Giant Slayer does better than every other adaptation, it’s the third act featuring a full-blown war between humans and giants, with a touch of humor and absurdity. Watching a giant toss a windmill like the glaive from Krull is the perfect amount of off-beat to distract from a surprising amount of body horror in both the giant’s designs and Fallon’s ultimate fate. 

A Movie For No One

Jack the Giant Slayer looks too good, and the star-studded cast is having way too much fun for it to be a truly bad movie. The problem is that the pacing is off: it takes a little too long to get to the good stuff, then it feels a little too rushed, and though it is a fun adventure, it’s also, like the source material, simplistic. It’s not like the movie wasn’t watched in theaters; it made $197 million worldwide, which would be a great haul except it cost $185 million to make, and that’s not including the extensive marketing campaign.

The push and pull of director Bryan Singer’s vision of a dark take on the fable, complete with actual people-eating on screen, and the sanitized version that hit theaters, which was still too dark for children, since the film is surprisingly rated PG-13, meant it ended up being a film for no one. The Rotten Tomatoes ratings, of 52 percent from critics and 55 percent from the audience, are proof that the final product is not great, but not bad; it’s a movie that will keep you watching for a few hours and then leave no lasting impression. These days, Lionsgate and Sony wish they’d release a movie that is that well-received, as even Jack the Giant Slayer looks like a masterpiece compared to Borderlands or Kraven the Hunter.

Streaming is the perfect home for Jack the Giant Slayer, and 10 years later, it no longer matters that the movie lost hundreds of millions in theaters. It finally gets to stand on its own as a fun, if unremarkable, fantasy adventure.


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