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Controversial Director’s R-Rated, Very Graphic Thriller Goes All In On Star Power And Spectacle

By Robert Scucci
| Published

While I’m admittedly far from an expert when it comes to sword and sorcery films and video game lore, I’m an avid fan of B-movie schlock and just about anything Uwe Boll has his name attached to. This lack of knowledge about 18th century Romania and vampiric etymology works to my advantage when reviewing 2005’s BloodRayne because I’m not convinced Boll knows much about these things either. There’s a revenge arc, a smoking hot lead who knows how to seduce with her fangs and slice with a sword, Michael Madsen and Billy Zane showing up in some of their most bizarre roles to date, and production values in BloodRayne that cannot be denied. It’s absolutely worth your time if you want to see what a spectacular failure looks like.

Billy Zane has gone on record saying it was a “pleasure to work with such a decisive director,” and Michael Madsen, who referred to the final product as a “horrifying and preposterous movie,” didn’t mince words when he said he’d gladly work with Boll again if the opportunity ever presented itself. For my money, BloodRayne is leaps and bounds better than some of Boll’s previous video game adaptations, like the Christian Slater-starring Alone in the Dark that came out the same year.

BloodRayne 2005

That said, I can see why BloodRayne currently boasts a punishing 4 percent critical score on Rotten Tomatoes because everything you’ll read about it is true. It’s tragically hamfisted, fumbling its worldbuilding through dialogue-heavy exposition dumps and delivering some of the most baffling fight choreography you’ll ever lay eyes on. Uwe Boll is also one of the most passionate filmmakers to ever walk this Earth, and you can tell how sincerely he wanted to tell this story, which makes the whole disaster drip with unexpected charm. It’s a total mess, but you can tell a lot of heart went into its production.

Our Ballsy Heroine Is A Dhampir

BloodRayne 2005

BloodRayne, set in 18th century Romania, tells the tale of Rayne (Kristanna Loken), a vampire and human half-breed known as a dhampir. While she exhibits typical vampiric behavior when pushed to her limit, her genetics allow her to touch crucifixes, though holy water still poses a problem. She was conceived when her father Kagan (Ben Kingsley), the king of vampires, forced himself on her mother before eventually killing her. Naturally, Rayne is primed for revenge for being born under the circumstances, but we first meet her in captivity, working as a circus freak who sustains brutal injuries that are then healed when she’s fed goat blood.

Learning about Rayne’s existence and wanting to use her abilities against Kagan in his own crusade is Vladimir (Michael Madsen), a senior member of the Brimstone Society, a secret organization dedicated to one thing: killing vampires. Along for the ride are Katarin (Michelle Rodriguez), who distrusts Rayne because of her vampiric lineage, and Sebastian (Matthew Davis), who will eventually fall in love with Rayne with tragic results.

BloodRayne 2005

Rayne eventually learns of three sacred talismans and sets out to procure them before her father does. Possession of an eyeball, a rib, and a cross would allow whoever gathers them to become immune to holy water, crosses, and sunlight, respectively. Complicating matters are Katarin’s ties to her noble father, Elrich (Billy Zane), who secretly seeks power for himself while presenting himself as an ally to Kagan. We learn about all these moving parts through dialogue dumps, and a Fortune Teller (Geraldine Chaplin). From there, it’s up to us to decide whether any of this makes sense.

A Beautifully Shot Cinematic Disaster

BloodRayne 2005

While watching BloodRayne, I had two competing thoughts. First, the actual production quality is surprisingly strong for a 2005 release thanks to its $25 million budget. The sound design specifically is immersive, and some of the more intense sequences nearly blew my head off. Every sword clang and explosion feels deliberate, and you can tell a lot of care went into this aspect of the production.

My second thought was that all of this potential was wasted on some of the worst dialogue I’ve ever heard and fight choreography that makes absolutely no sense. In my mind, the cameraman was just spinning around during the fight scenes to make them look more elaborate than the actors were capable of pulling off. Some of the set pieces are equally preposterous, breaking the immersion entirely.

BloodRayne 2005

There’s even a scene with Rayne, Vladimir, and Sebastian walking down a cobblestone street where a bakery sign looks like it came straight from a Panera Bread. I guess they couldn’t get the “Ye Olde Bagel Shop” placard ready on time, which honestly would have been more authentic than what we see in the final cut. And don’t even get me started on Meat Loaf’s Leonid rolling around with a more nude side-women than any mortal man could realistically handle in a thousand lifetimes.

That said, BloodRayne is an absolute pleasure to watch if you’re into the kind of cinematic experimentation that Uwe Boll is known for. You can tell how much care went into this movie, but it’s all focused on the wrong things. I actually think it would play better with half the budget because the campiness would feel earned. The production values and execution are constantly at odds with each other here, making for a strangely fascinating watch.

BloodRayne 2005

If you’re interested in seeing a movie with genuinely great gore and creature effects but lacking in almost every other department, you can stream BloodRayne for free on Pluto TV as of this writing.


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Mortal Kombat II review: The bar is in hell for video game movies, huh?

How many times do we have to go through this?

Yes, Mortal Kombat has been a massively popular video game franchise since its spawning in 1992. Yes, its over-the-top kills and thrillingly scornful catchphrases make the fighting games incredibly fun. But despite several attempts including 1995’s Mortal Kombat, 1997’s Mortal Kombat: Annihilation, and the 2021 reboot, also titled Mortal Kombat, not a single good live-action movie has been made from this IP.

Yet here we are again with another ugly, nonsensical mess, this time called Mortal Kombat II.

Mortal Kombat, the last film in this much-flubbed franchise, centered on Cole Young (Lewis Tan), a descendant of Sub-Zero (Joe Taslim), who’s a fish out of water in the titular fighting tournament world. This time, he’s relegated to a tertiary character, so the sequel can pivot to a new fish out of water, Johnny Cage (Karl Urban), a washed-up ’90s action star who’d rather crush a beer than a spine. However, when a malevolent conqueror named Shao Kahn (Martyn Ford) threatens Earthrealm, it’s up to Cage and a coterie of super-powered fighters to win a Mortal Kombat tournament to save their world.

Wisely, Warner Bros. led with Cage in their early promos, releasing teasers that showed a cheeky self-awareness of the Western martial arts movie while suggesting Mortal Kombat II would be funnier than its predecessor. Frustratingly, this is another example of good trailer, bad movie. And a big part of why is that Cage feels like he’s been wedged in, rather than centered on, for a new perspective.

Mortal Kombat II is a befuddling eyesore with sub-zero emotional depth.

Adeline Rudolph as "Kitana" in New Line Cinema's "Mortal Kombat II", a Warner Bros. Pictures Release.

Adeline Rudolph as Kitana.
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

Mortal Kombat (2021) director Simon McQuoid is back with muddy CGI settings, rubbery CGI fighters, and much of his movie’s cast reprising their roles. Along with Tan and Taslim, Jessica McNamee is back as Sonya Blade, Josh Lawson as Kano, Mehcad Brooks as Jax, Ludi Lin as Liu Kang, Tadanobu Asano as Raiden, and Hiroyuki Sanada as Hanzo Hasashi / Scorpion.

Joining the fighter line-up opposite Cage are fan-wielding Kitana (Adeline Rudolph), staff-armed Jade (Tati Gabrielle), the many-fanged Baraka (CJ Bloomfield), and Ford as brutish conqueror Shao Kahn.

Now, you might think that’s too many characters to create meaningful story arcs over the course of a 116-minute runtime. And you’d be right!

Sure, screenwriter Jeremy Slater could have narrowed the focus to Cage’s experience to better create a moving narrative, while still folding in the requisite fighting, brawlers, and game allusions. But hey, why not split the story focus between Cage, whose gruff has-been attitude pitches Mortal Kombat II toward a promising Galaxy Quest vibe, and Kitana, whose rebellious warrior princess thread is reminiscent of Guardians of the Galaxy‘s Gamora as she battled Thanos and her “sister” Nebula. But here, Thanos is Shao Kahn, who murders Kitana’s dad in the film’s glacially paced opening sequence. And Nebula is Jade, Kitana’s bestie/guard since she became Shao Kahn’s prisoner as a girl. (If you want more backstory, fret not, there’s plenty.)

Tati Gabrielle as “Jade” in New Line Cinema’s “Mortal Kombat 2,” a Warner Bros. Pictures release.

Tati Gabrielle as Jade.
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

Cage won’t even show up for the first 14 minutes of Mortal Kombat II. In that time, the sequel plunges into the same grim and self-serious atmosphere that made McQuoid’s first Mortal Kombat a bore. Sure, the fight scenes are really violent and bloody, befitting the film’s R-rating. But the fights feel disconnected from the storytelling. Worse yet, these battles are shot with very little visual logic, meaning some big blows just don’t hit.

And yep, there sure are recreations of memorable characters, their costumes, weapons, and catchphrases. But the major important distinction between this rebooted movie franchise and the games is, the games were fun.

The most fun Mortal Kombat and Mortal Kombat II can offer is Kano, the only character who resolutely refuses to take things seriously.

Karl Urban shines, but Josh Lawson is Mortal Kombat II‘s MVP.

Karl Urban as “Johnny Cage”, Hiroyuki Sanada as “Scorpion”, and Josh Lawson as “Kano” in New Line Cinema’s “Mortal Kombat 2,” a Warner Bros. Pictures release.

Karl Urban as Johnny Cage, Hiroyuki Sanada as Scorpion, and Josh Lawson as Kano.
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

As Cage, Urban brings with him an American arrogance that shakes up the seriousness of the Earthrealm battlers. He’s snarky where they’re stern, creating a feisty dynamic that borders on amusing. But as Cage’s clichéd plot line demands he become a selfless, brave hero, he becomes more grave and less giggle-inducing. Thank the gods for Lawson’s Kano.

This crusty criminal and unrepentant asshole died in the last movie, but like other MK fighters, he’s resurrected for this sequel. Thankfully, rather than being brought back as another humorless revenant, Kano is as chaotically insulting as ever, slinging barbs with reckless abandon. When he mocks necromancer Quan Chi (Damon Herriman) for his “eyeliner,” I howled with laughter. And for a brief moment I thought that between Cage and Kano, this movie might actually begin to get fun!

Alas, my hopes were squashed like a skull under a warhammer. Kano and Cage get to be comic relief, while Kitana broods and a new quest kicks off to heist a magical gem from Shao Kahn, which he effectively uses as an immortality cheat code. Again, life-or-death battles and a heist into the heart of a tyrant’s castle? This should be exciting and entertaining!

Inexplicably, McQuoid bleeds any tension from these sequences with a mangled visual language that makes fights hard to follow and the quest feel like an afterthought. Suspense cannot build because in every other scene, Slater’s script delivers another exposition drop to explain the tournament, the realms, the revenants — on and on! Video games are a visual medium. Movies are a visual medium. Yet much of this movie feels like I got locked into a tedious podcast.

In the end, Mortal Kombat II feels like the wretched compromise of two movie pitches. One is a sequel that closely follows the saga and dolesome tone of the last movie. The other is an action-comedy in the vein of Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves. Whether it’s Kano reading other fighters to filth, or a sequence where Cage is chased around a village by a rampaging Baraka, there are moments where Mortal Kombat II flirts with not taking this IP deadly seriously. But then McQuoid pivots back to a tone that’s less Shogun and more Iron Fist. And as sloppy and artless as this adaptation is, it probably won’t matter.

Gamers need to demand more of video game movies.

C.J. Bloomfield as “Baraka” in New Line Cinema’s “Mortal Kombat 2,” a Warner Bros. Pictures release.

CJ Bloomfield as Baraka.
Credit: Warner Bros. Pictures

It’s long been a cliché that video game movies are traditionally bad. I was recently disappointed by the Until Dawn movie and moved to consider my own mortality over the vacuousness of The Super Mario Galaxy Movie. And yet, studios keep plugging along with these movies “for the fans.”

Don’t be fooled. That’s a cynical sales pitch that assumes gamers love the source IP so much that studios don’t need to bring skilled filmmakers or spend the money on top-notch fight choreography, stunts, or visual effects. They believe the fans will come regardless of what they actually put on screen. And maybe they’re right! After all, critics warned that The Super Mario Galaxy Movie was a soulless sequel with more allusions than entertainment. But it’s nearing a billion dollars for worldwide box office. So, why should studios change strategy?

Warner Bros hired a commercial director to make his feature directorial film debut with Mortal Kombat, and now he’s back with a muddled vision that’s an ugly and lifeless slog. But if fans go to the theater or stream this exhaustively on HBO Max, like they presumably did its predecessor, then the bar is in hell, and it won’t be raised.

At least we have more Last of Us to look forward to, right?

Mortal Kombat II opens in theaters on May 8.

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This robotic pool vacuum is basically a Roomba that can swim, and it’s $449 off today

SAVE 35%: As of May 6, you can get the Beatbot AquaSense 2 for $849 at Amazon, down from $1,298. That’s a 35% discount or $449 savings.


$849
at Amazon

$1,298
Save $449

 

I don’t have a pool (well, not a personal one, anyway; I live in an apartment complex), but I do have a robot vacuum, and I know the joy of watching a little machine clean my floors while I do other things. If you apply that same logic to pool maintenance (which I imagine is a lot more annoying than keeping your floors clean), then investing in a robo pool cleaner makes a lot of sense.

And, right now, you can get one of Amazon’s top-rated models for a fraction of the price. As of May 6, you can get the Beatbot AquaSense 2 for $849 at Amazon, down from $1,298. That’s a 35% discount or $449 savings. It’s also the lowest price we’ve seen this model go for. The only problem? Amazon marked this as a “limited-time deal,” and the countdown clock shows it ends in about 16 hours.

This thing works just like an indoor robot vacuum; it maps out its cleaning path and then uses an onboard 4-core CPU and 16 sensors to navigate using an S-path for the pool floor and an N-path to scrub the walls and waterline. It also has a “Double-Pass Scrubbing” feature for the waterline, so it’ll get the grimiest spots twice per pass. Bonus: When it’s done cleaning (or when the battery runs low), it automatically parks itself at the surface of the water so you don’t have to go diving to retrieve it.

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Grandma Anne’s Secret Jell-O

Grandma Anne's Secret Jell-O

I love making food that people appreciate — the kind of meal that makes the whole table go quiet at the first bite. But you know what I kind of love more? Making food that makes the whole table shriek like kids chasing the ice-cream truck.

So, when I happened upon a “secret Jell-O” recipe in chef Hillary Sterling’s new cookbook, Ammazza! — titled for the Roman slang term, which roughly translates to “wowee!” — I knew I had to share.

“This was the defining treat of my childhood,” explains Hillary. Growing up, her Grandma Anne always kept a bowl of Jell-O in the fridge. “She added halved grapes, and they’d hover in the middle while it ‘jellified.’ It tasted so cool, refreshing, and delicious.” As adults, Hillary and her sister tried to replicate it, but never managed to get the taste just right. That’s when their grandpa clued them in to Grandma Anne’s secret ingredient: sweet liqueur. “Turns out, our favorite childhood dessert was one part Grandma, one part frat party.”

Hillary’s own adaptation is a little more cocktail-party than frat, but just as festive: a ruby-red confection, studded with plums and served in a champagne coupe. Plus, it’s incredibly simple, with less than 10 minutes of active cooking time. And while I’ll give Grandma Anne the benefit of the doubt, and say she probably wasn’t trying to inebriate her grandchildren, this recipe has almost a shot’s worth of brandy per serving (wowee, indeed!). So, let’s maybe keep it at the grown-ups table.

Grandma Anne’s Secret Jell-O
from Ammazza! by Hillary Sterling
Serves 4

1/2 cup (115 g) prunes*
3/4 cup (180 ml) brandy
1 85-gram package cherry gelatin

*It’s true, prunes are dried plums. Here, they’re essentially rehydrated in the cooking process.

In a small pot, combine the prunes and 1/2 cup (120 ml) of the brandy. Bring to a boil, then turn the heat low, and cook until the prunes absorb all the liquid (about 5 minutes). Set aside. In a separate small saucepan, bring 1 cup (240 ml) of water to a boil. Place the gelatin in a heatproof bowl, then pour the hot water over it, whisking until fully dissolved (about 2 minutes). Stir in the remaining 1/4 cup (60 ml) of brandy and 1 cup (240 ml) of cold water.

Divide half of the gelatin mixture evenly among four glasses, filling them about halfway. (“This is the time to break out your heirloom wine glasses or champagne coupes,” says Hillary. “Style and presentation meant everything to my grandmother.”) Arrange the glasses on a small sheet pan for stability. Refrigerate, uncovered, until just set (about 1 hour).

Finally, divide the steeped prunes evenly among the glasses, gently placing them on top of the set layer. Top each glass with the remaining gelatin — the fruit will “float” as it sets. Cover and refrigerate until firm but still jiggly (about 1 hour more). Serve, and enjoy!

ammazza cookbook

Thank you so much, Hillary! And congratulations on your beautiful cookbook.

P.S. More fun party recipes, including a chaotic pavlova and a pasta cake.

(Photos by Kelly Puleio. Excerpted with permission from Ammazza!, on sale now from Scribner, an imprint of Simon & Schuster. Copyright © 2026 by Hillary Sterling)

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